| Straight
from the holler.
by "Buck" September 20, 2005 Did you ever stop for a moment to consider where money has been? Seriously. Those dollars that are now sitting in your wallet, well inside your "personal space" may have a course of life that could make you swell with pride or vomit with indignation. If George, Abe, Alexander, President Grant could still talk—oh the stories they could tell. During the course of their life they may be used to buy medicine for sick kids, then stuck into the garter belt of a sleazy stripper, used to buyoff a cop, then wind up in a collection plate at church. Think of all the different sets of hands that have touched your money. Hell, think of the body parts period that may have touched that money—yet we hand it to the clerk at Arby's with the same hands that second later are putting the death grip on a big roast beef and shoving it deep into our food repositories. No wonder we're always sick….it's really amazing we're not all dead.
I'm wondering how many of you handle the fall leaves. I know some of you live in places where there isn't a fall ritual of leaves littering your yard. However, for those of us who live in at least the Appalachian Region…there's the age old annual job of removing said leaves from one's yard so as to protect the grass for next year. I'm at a crossroads this year. For years, I've raked the leaves and dumped them in the woods over the hill—from whence they originally came. However, I'm on the verge of considering turning my lawnmower to the mulch function, grinding the shit up to a fine dust and allowing it to rot and become fertilizer for next year's grass. Does that really work? Leaf meal as a fertilizer? It seems a hell of a lot easier…but I don't know. How do you folks handle this difficult decision? One other factor is that I have a brand spanking new leaf blower from last Christmas—and I'm eager to use it. Perhaps I'll hold off on the mulching and simply BLOW the leaves back into the woods.
Speaking of blowing….the Tennessee Vols pretty much shit up their proverbial backs back on Saturday. I could have predicted it—it always happens. Fucking Florida. Now, we have to go down to the land of the twisted trees and open sewers and play Wordnerd's LSU Tigers. Just fucking excellent. On a happier football note, the Mountaineers were able to beat the living hell out of Maryland last week. It was such a beating that Maryland Coach Ralph Friegen ate a Buick. They call him "The Fridge." I'm not sure where that comes from …what do you think?
Jeff Kay is a flaming homosexual and performs daily "manscaping" on his chest hair. I put that sentence in just to show that Jeff never proofreads this stuff or if he does, never institutes any editorial control. [Did somebody say something? -ed.]
The Today Show just completed its Wedding Series in which they get two boobs and pretty much outfit them with a free, high dollar wedding—so long as they can invade every moment of the event with cameras and Katie Couric right up until the consummation of the vows. I caught the wedding show and it struck me that Katie looked like a hung-over teenager on the day after the prom. Is it just me?
You know, if any of you have been considering a Christmas gift for me….this would be a good starting point. I mean..it's what I've ALWAYS wanted.
…and Lord knows, we gotta go see this thing. It may be the biggest hit since Ernest Goes to Camp.
Buck Out |
