Holy
crap in a Bundt pan...
Due to the
recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be
clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an
Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to
serve, baby.
The
State of My Fat Ass A journal of
sorts, updated every once in a while.
--
As another Bourbon Season nears its end, I'd like to take this
opportunity to thank you good folks for making our little exercise in
ridiculousness a daily, or semi-daily, ritual.
TheWVSR is self-prescribed therapy, and helps keep me, well, saneish.
And it warms my big sluggish heart that it's somehow attracted so many
funny and talented readers. The site got infinitely better the day I
discovered Haloscan, and everyone could suddenly contribute to the fun.
Your comments are often smarter and wittier than my updates, and I
wouldn't have it any other way. I thank you, sincerely.
Things are going to turn quickly to chaos here on the Surf Report
campus, and I can't tell you when (or if) I'll be updating next week. I
certainly plan to, but this place is going to be like a crawlspace just lousy
with critters. The kids are out of school, we're going to have
visitors staying with us, and people will be in and out every day. Plus,
you know, there's adult beverages that need drinking.
So just check back from time to time, and I'll do my best to get
something up during the week. I've got my laptop, so I can barricade
myself inside the baffroom if necessary, and write while pretending to
experience digestive complications. Maybe I'll even go the extra
mile and take a nearly-empty squeeze bottle of ketchup in there with me,
and create sound effects? We'll see how it goes.
In the meantime, we'll gather 'round the ceramic logs, listen to the
gentle hissing of the natural gas jets, raise a comically-oversized
tumbler of bourbon 'n' something, and enjoy the soothing holiday sounds
of Run-DMC and Bryan "Pockmark" Adams. It'll be an old
fashioned Surf Report Christmas: On Half-Shirt! On Shuffler! On Bill
Oates! On Mumbles!! ...I'm sorry, I'm getting a little emotional
here.
So I hope all of you have a pleasant Christmas or Hanukkah, or any combination
thereof. I hope the food
is good and plentiful, and the cocktails
are flowing. I don't want to catch any of you posting stories at this
site, y'hear?
If, over the next few days, you feel the need for some great, obscure
holiday music in that mp3 format the kids are so crazy about, here's
your resource. And make sure you don't miss thisone, from my spiritual advisor, Father Ray.
I've also taken the liberty of uploading a
Christmas-themed Phil Hendrie segment to YouSendIt.
It's from 2002, and features Coach Vernon Dozier, one of my favorite
Hendrie creations. He doesn't much care for people who lie in wait for
prime parking spaces at shopping centers. And it's hard to disagree with
the "man." The first 100 visitors can download it directly to
their desktop computer sets, as if by magic.
And before I call it a day here, I'd like to alert you to a little
non-holiday greatness, right
here. It's not only a list of the 50
Greatest Cartoons of All Time, as decided by the "animation
industry," but there are also links to almost every one of 'em.
Incredibly cool. Needless to say, somebody else did all the work on
this, and I didn't lift a single sausage finger to help. But I hope
you'll accept it as my gift to you....
Have a great holiday, folks. And beware the Nog Lip!
--
As another Bourbon Season nears its end, I'd like to take this
opportunity to thank you good folks for making our little exercise in
ridiculousness a daily, or semi-daily, ritual. 