Holy
crap in a Bundt pan...
Due to the
recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be
clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an
Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to
serve, baby.
The
State of My Fat Ass A journal of
sorts, updated every once in a while.
--
Check out the "high
temperatures" they're predicting for us this weekend. Yes,
my friends, Bourbon Season is officially upon us. Last night I was
standing outside, letting Andy sling some urine before bedtime, and it
was an autumnal wonderland out there. The air was crisp and clean,
leaves were blowing around, it smelled like a hundred fireplaces were
fireplacing.... I love it.
And just to make sure I didn't miss the point, the booze gods delivered
to me a check from the National Lampoon yesterday. Could the timing just
be a coincidence? No, I didn't think so either. It is clearly funds with
which to purchase Maker's Mark handmade whisky; they should've just
typed it on the memo line. And it was dropped from the sky at just
the right time.
Thanks to the folks at the Lampoon, the Wal-Mart Game (the gift that
keeps on giving), and the distilled spirits fairies, we will be pouring
us a nice solid foundation on Friday, the kind upon which many a
successful Bourbon Seasons have been built. Cheers!
-- Today I should be receiving, from Netflix, a rental copy of Deuce
Bigalow: Male Gigolo. I've had that movie in my queue since I signed
up with them; in fact, it might be the very first thing I added. But
I've never allowed them to actually send it to me, until now.
You see, a couple of years ago Sunshine and Mumbles were visiting, and
she found the flick on cable somewhere. I think it was back when we had
Starz for free. I walked in and saw what she watching and I think I
audibly groaned, then mumbled to myself, "This woman will watch any
retard-o-rama that comes down the pike. What's next Juwanna Man?"
Then I flopped down to be semi-social, and to my amazement.... found
myself laughing my ass off. It was hilarious! And just thinking
about certain scenes right now ("ball hair!"), I'm laughing
all over again.
My concern, of course, is that it won't be anywhere near as funny the
second time around. Sometimes a person is loopy, or shit is misfiring in
their brain or whatever, and really stupid crap turns into comedy gold.
Am I going to be disappointed? Will the spell be broken? Or is it really
an underrated classic of the low-brow genre? Our genre?
-- Speaking of queues.... For the past
year or so I've been a satisfied customer of yourmusic.
It's basically a repackaged BMG Music Club, simplified and modeled
loosely around Netflix. CDs cost $5.99 each, with free shipping, and the
only requirement is that you buy at least one per month. You build a
queue, like with Netflix, and they automatically send you whatever's at
the top of your list on your anniversary date, and bill your credit
card. In between those dates, you can order additional discs to your
heart's content.
And they cost $5.99 each, with no shipping and no strings attached! Did
you get that part? Sweet Maria. For a junkie such as myself, it's an
offer that can't be refused. Sure, it takes them a long time to get new
releases, and some things never become available at all, but it's
an excellent way to fill in holes in your collection.
So anyway, a couple of weeks ago I bought the Byrds box set from them
(four discs: 4 x $5.99), and I've been playing that thing almost in an
endless loop. Except for Sweetheart of the Rodeo and whatever
songs they play on the radio, I didn't know much about the Byrds. I
think I was prejudiced against them because that hippie walrus David
Crosby was involved. But man, that's some good stuff. And 80% of it's
new to me, so it's a virtual treasure chest in the bunker.
I'm sorry, I'm getting a little emotional here.... If you're interested
in joining yourmusic, mention my name. Maybe they'll give me something
free?
-- Yesterday a guy stuck his head in my office at work and said, very
seriously, "Unless you have a strong stomach, I'd steer clear of
the men's room for a while." It was said in the tone of someone
warning a person about traffic on the interstate, or an impending snow
storm. Simply informational in nature.
And clearly, he couldn't understand why I was laughing so hard as he
walked away.
-- This
is a blog where "ridiculous infomercials" are reviewed, and I
think it's pretty darn funny. Check it out. And definitely don't miss
the two short video clips linked at the bottom of the main page. Heh.
-- And I know this update is all over the map today, but that's the way
it goes sometimes. I'll leave you now with the question of the day.
Last night Toney and I watched the second episode of Studio 60 on the
Sunset Strip. I think that's what it's called.... It's turning out
to be pretty good and it looks like we might have a new TV show to
watch. Praise the Lord.
It's made by the same people who did The West Wing, a show I
never watched on principle. The reason? Smugness. That's reason number
one. The whole thing felt smug and earnest to me. Plus, there was that
little sawed-off Sheen character, who has a political axe to grind in
real life; always with the I'm-smarter-than-you gotcha! comments.
I didn't watch that show, almost as a statement.
Another one I've never watched is Desperate Housewives. I was
soured on that from the beginning, because it seemed to be the must-see
program among people at work who don't have a hip bone in their bodies.
Maybe a hipbone, buried under all the beef somewhere, but not a hip
bone. Plus those women from the show are exceedingly obnoxious in
interviews, and seem very full of themselves. They were has-beens before
this happened, and the moment the show goes off the air.... it'll be a
return to the Whatever Became Of? hall of former fame all over again.
And instead of being thankful for the opportunity? They all act like
they're doing the entertainment industry a favor. They can all blow it
out their ass, collectively.
So, my question is: what TV shows (or movies for that matter) have you
avoided on principle? ....Something you might very well enjoy, but
simply can't bring yourself to watch, because of some personal
deep-seated bias? I'm not really talking about a comedian that you don't
find funny, or anything like that. I'm more interested in unrelated
prejudices. Know what I mean?
--
Check out the "