August 10, 2007

-- This is going to have be super-quick. We’re supposed to leave for Canada around noon , and in true Jeff Kay fashion, I haven’t done shit. Heck, I haven’t even brought my duffle bag up from the basement yet, which is something I do to demonstrate progress to Toney. 

And it’s also a pretty good indicator as to why I was a solid C student in high school. Pass the Tangy Taffy.

On a more positive note, I’m drinking a really kick-ass cup of coffee right now. It’s Dunkin Donuts brand, the kind you buy at the grocery store and make at home. How is it so impossibly good? It’s a question I cannot answer. But one thing I’m certain about:  it is the yum.

Do any of you have a travel checklist saved to your computer, like I do? It’s a Word document with everything I need to take with me when I travel. Whenever I’m packing for a trip, I just print one out and start checking shit off. If I don’t, I’ve learned, I forget many things. Like pants.

On more than one occasion I’ve been in some foreign town somewhere, frantically searching for a place to buy a cheap bale of underwear. And once, when I was in Chicago on a business trip, I was forced to pay $11 for a stick of deodorant in the lobby gift shop, and it caused me to smell like a Polish whore all day. 

And I can’t have that.

Thanks to everyone who sent me Ottawa travel tips. I appreciate it, and am also confused about something. Why does the subject of strip clubs keep coming up? Is Ottawa known for that? Is it the Amsterdam of North America, or something? I find this to be bizarre.

In any case, I probably won’t be hitting any titty bars with Nancy and my children this weekend, but I do intend on sampling as many Canadian beers as possible. And there’s also some talk of a river cruise, or somesuch. I’m not really clear on it.

Some very good news: Toney somehow worked it out where we’re apparently not going to be eating dinner at Nancy’s house, not even once. They’re taking us to a pub tomorrow night, and I guess we’ll all vote on a restaurant for Sunday. This is a huge slimy garlic-laden tofu-infused weight lifted off my shoulders. 

But I’m still taking lots and lots of Pop-Tarts, just in case... Yeah, I’m not as stupid as I look.

I’m not sure what kind of internet access I’ll have over the weekend, but I’m taking my laptop along, as well as my iPod and portable DVD player. If things get especially hairy (probably not good word to use in conjunction with Nancy…), I’ll just disappear into Green Acres or the Rhino 70’s punk box. Eb and/or Wreckless Eric work wonders, I’ve found.

And is this update scattered and disjointed enough for you? Holy buttnuggets. Remember there won’t be an update on Monday, and I hope you’ll spend the extra time signing up for our mailing list, ordering our t-shirts, and writing insensitive captions to great works of art.

And I need to go. It’s only a matter of time before Toney starts sighing real loud, and that’s not good. It’s not good for anyone…

I’ll leave you with a weird Question of the Day that came to me while in the shower this morning. And here it is: 

If your family pet could read, what magazines do you think he’d subscribe to? What websites would she visit? I believe Andy would be partial to Ass-Licker’s Quarterly, Table Scrap Aficionado, and godhatesdeliverypersonnel dotcom. 

What about your pet? Use the comments link below.

And I’ll see you guys on Tuesday.

Have a great weekend!




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