July 16, 2007

-- Toney and the Secrets made it to Reno yesterday without incident. They arrived late last night, around midnight Eastern, and I was tracking their plane during the final hour on the internet. I wish they’d enhance that feature, and let us actually see inside the cabin. A cartoon jet moving across a map doesn’t really cut it, y’know?

I took my family to the Philadelphia airport yesterday morning, and drove back to an empty house. Well, Andy was here, but he was just as dismayed as I was… I don’t think I’ve been home alone for an extended period in almost ten years. 

I went upstairs late in the afternoon and the controllers on the Playstation were still dragged out into the middle of the floor, and the kids’ stuff was strewn everywhere. For a split-second I thought I was going to become emotional like Nostrils and/or Oprah, but quickly got my shit correct. 

Going from continuous noise and rambunctious activity, to absolute silence and empty rooms, is not an easy transition, my friends.

Last night I enjoyed a few Lord Chesterfield Ales, watched two movies off the DVR (Meet the Fockers and Hooper), and processed a metric shitload t-shirt orders. Here’s the trunk of my car this morning. Every one of those packages will be handed over to government officials later today, for speedy delivery directly to your home or business. ..Hello?

I have a long list of things I want to accomplish this week, and I’m breaking it up into tiny bite-sized chunks. Every evening I’m going to decide on four or five tasks for the next day, something ambitious yet doable, and scribble ‘em down on a large index card. That card will then sit above my monitor here in the bunker. And everything must be completed before bedtime, regardless of how long it takes.

At least that’s the plan.

Some of the things on my master list are definites, but a few are not. For instance, I could go either way on “get a tramp stamp.” I’m not so sure about that one anymore. Same goes for Naked Wednesday. Originally I thought I’d spend the entire day nude, a full 24 hours free of the tyranny of cotton, but Toney’d probably want to call in Stanley Steemer when she got home…. And who needs the aggravation?

-- Last week I sent out a Dispatch From the Bunker email newsletter. If you didn’t get it and thought you were signed-up, you might want to try it again. ‘Cause something ain’t right. 

And speaking of that, I’m going to be merging my two lists today (the task is listed on the card above my monitor), which means roughly 300 of you will be receiving emails asking you to confirm your subscriptions. Just click the link, and all should be right with the world. 

I apologize for this small aggravation, but I was trying to cheat and circumvent the subscriber limit, so I wouldn’t have to fork over any cash. Now it’s all coming home to roost.

And so it goes.

-- Our phone just rang and when I answered it the line went dead. I punched the caller ID number into Google, and found this conversation. As Plankton might put it, what the scallop?!

-- And to follow-up on the quiz from Friday, this picture was indeed taken at Vesuvio in San Francisco . One of the many things I remember about that excellent bar is that it opens at 6 am . I’m not kidding, check out their website… Pretty nifty, huh? 

Yes, I’ll have scrambled eggs, bacon, and a pint of Harp, please. ...Oh, and white toast and maybe a pickled egg from that cloudy jar on the bar back there.

-- I know this one’s kinda lame, but I stayed up way too late last night watching Burt Reynolds laugh, chew gum, and drive real fast. Not to mention the high-pressure monitoring of a drawing of a jetliner inching across my computer screen, followed by a long phone conversation once the drawing reached its destination. 

So I’ll do better tomorrow, I promise.

In the meantime, I’ll rip-off an old morning radio show I used to listen to in Atlanta , for the Question of the Day. What I’d like to know are your ideas for alternative porn titles of current movies. 

Here’s a big honkin’ list of legitimate new releases, in case you need reminding. What would the porn versions be called? Use the comments link below.

And just so you know… a guy who worked with me and Toney in Georgia won such a contest twice. His entries (so to speak)? Intercourse With A Vampire and Walt Disney’s Poke-A-Hot-Ass.

What can you guys do with the current releases?

I'll see ya tomorrow.

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