Holy
crap in a Bundt pan...
Due to the
recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be
clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an
Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to
serve, baby.
The
State of My Fat Ass A journal of
sorts, updated every once in a while.
--Don’t bother asking about my job interview this morning, ‘cause
I ain’t sayin’ nothing.At
least not today.There will be
plenty of time for that sort of thing in the future.Hell, maybe I’ll write a book about this whole portion of my
swollen, bulbous life?God knows,
the material is stacking up…
--This is going to be a lame-ass
update, so prepare yourself now.It’s
almost two in the afternoon as I type this, and I’m so full of
open-face roast beef sandwich, gravy, and mashed potatoes, I’m
literally listing to one side.The
right side, of course.Hello?
--Speaking of restaurant foods,
Toney and I visited a new place earlier this week.It’s called Panchero’s,
and is clearly a Baja Fresh, um, tribute.
I ordered a chicken burrito, and the people there seemed alarmed by this
request.The joint just opened,
and I get the feeling most of the workers aren’t completely at-ease
with the operation yet.I’m
sure this will improve.
They fried-up a tortilla on the grill, right before my eyes, and laid it
on a plate.Then the guy began
asking what kind of ingredients I’d like.Every time I selected one, he seemed to panic and acted like he
was afraid he’d add too much, or too little.
He kept scooping a little on there, moving to the next item, then
venturing back, unsure of himself, for a revisit of something we’d
already passed-by.It was chaos
at the burrito bar.I'm sorry,
but I prefer my Americanized Mexican food in a more linear fashion.
We finally got to the end of the road, and I think I asked for chicken,
rice, pinto beans, pico de gallo, cheese, and sour cream.Each was a gut-wrenching adventure.
Toney had a similar experience with a different burrito steward, and we
carried our trays to a table.
And guess what?The food was only
mediocre.The chicken was
tasteless (there were black lines on it, as if had recently been on a
hot grill, but I’m fairly certain it was done with stencils and
non-toxic paint), and there wasn’t even a hint
of cilantro.Man, ya gotta have
the cilantro.
Oh, the things were plenty big, but also disappointing.Baja Fresh was always a good bet when we lived in California,
so I was excited when this place opened near us.Too bad it turned out to be non-linear and tasteless.The pico was even bland.
They’ve only got five more chances.…OK,
twelve.
--Just so you’re up to date on important issues, I now have every
complete Phil
Hendrie show from 2005 and 2006 saved to an external hard drive, in
mp3 format.Every freakin’
show.
And, unlike hipster bands, Phil improved as he went along.There’s none of that, “I really liked them better when nobody
knew who they were” bullshit going on with Phil Hendrie.He began as a genius, and elevated it from there.
Now it’s time to start on 2004.
--Here’s
an interesting site where you can find out trivial information about
your birthday.For instance, I
was reportedly born under the Native American zodiac sign of the Owl.TF?
--And here
are the most underappreciated rock artists of all time, according to Old
Hippie magazine, or whatever it is.Where’s
the Kinks?Where are the goddamn
Kinks??
--I’m gonna turn it over to Brad
now, and maybe indulge in a short power-nap on the deck, preceded by an
outsize schooner of the golden elixir.
--