April 6, 2007

-- I was talking to someone in the hallway of my high school one day, out on the far edge of another larger conversation that included Popular People. I wasn’t paying close attention to what the other guys were talking about... probably something to do with getting high, “fucking,” and Pink Floyd.

But suddenly there was one of those freakish moments when everything goes quiet. It's something that can’t be explained, I don’t believe: a whole group of people just stops talking at the exact same time, for no known reason. Perhaps it has something to do with sunspot activity? I just don't know.

And through this sudden silence one of the Populars said, “Well, all I know is… I wouldn’t kick Mick Jagger out of bed.”

Man, you could’ve heard a wispy moustache hair drop in that place. There was shocked silence for several beats, then everyone launched into a full menu of howls and taunts, with a light sprinkling of FAG!

But he wouldn’t back off his statement, and even went so far as to insinuate the rest of the guys in the school felt the same way, and wouldn’t admit it. 

Obviously, that last part didn’t go over very well. But he was a Popular so kids just shook their heads and walked off. If I or one of my friends had suggested that the entire male population of Dunbar High wanted to have sex with Mick Jagger, the beating would probably continue to this day. 

But in high school, as in real life, certain people are afforded extra considerations.   

The reason why this episode is so memorable, is because it happened in 1979 or 1980. This was a time when guys wouldn’t admit to having ever touched their johnsons, even while peeing. It was all done with salad tongs and spatulas, thank you very much.        

Today it appears teenage boys talk openly about waxing the dolphin, or whatever you want to call it. (“Man, I was going at it last night with the bra section of the Kohl’s ad…”). Back then? You couldn’t have pressed a gun barrel to a guy’s temple and made him admit it: 

“Go ahead and pull the trigger, I guess.  I sure don’t want to die, but I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ about none of that….”

A joke(?) about having gay feelings for a <gulp> Rolling Stone was simply beyond the pale. It was more than anyone could even process. 

And it’s why I still remember that conversation, 27 or 28 years later, as if it happened yesterday. Oh, it was definitely one of those “where were you?” moments, like the first Space Shuttle explosion, the OJ verdict, and the cancellation of Alice. 

Do you have any high school where-were-yous? Tell us about ‘em, won’t you?

Before I close out the category, I have one more thing I’d like to say about it: Mick Jagger?! Ho-ly shit. I’d rather stick it in an oscillating fan.

It's very important that you know this.

And that concludes a very special (and abbreviated) Easter edition of The West Virginia Surf Report, created especially for the holy season.

I’ll see ya on Monday.




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Last updated
01/17/12 12:11 PM

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