Holy
crap in a Bundt pan...
Due to the
recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be
clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an
Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to
serve, baby.
The
State of My Fat Ass A journal of
sorts, updated every once in a while.
--As if it’s not bad enough that I’m fat, unemployed, and have
a pair of lungs full of lake water, now TheWVSR is screwed up.I don’t know what’s going on, and neither does my webhost.I spent a big part of yesterday afternoon on the phone with them,
trying various things, and tinkering with this and that.And nothing worked.
George is getting irritated!
When I’m sending files to the server everything is good until it gets
to “processing web updates,” then it promptly bombs out.So any page that happens to be in queue before that part of the
process makes it to the site, and everything else does not.
You’ll also notice that The Mountain is now gone.Gone!What in the
hand-picked hell??
Last night the guy at the hosting place told me not to do anything until
after 9
o’clock
Central Scranton Time.He was
going to try something on his end, but needed a couple of hours to get
‘er done.
So I waited until about 10, and started my shit uploading.And just like before, it came crashing down.Then a big Norton window popped-up and bragged that they’d just
stopped an “attack” on my computer.The
crap?!
Usually I’d be bouncing off the walls about this, and running my hands
through my hair at such an accelerated clip the human eye would only be
able to process a blur.But I’m
in a weakened state here, and am only able to muster an unenthusiastic
torrent of highly-predictable profanity.
It’s a sad state of affairs.
--Actually, my illness has moved
into a different phase now, and I’m not so uncomfortable.My chest doesn’t feel quite as congested, and I’m no longer
gasping for air between wild coughing jags.In fact, I don’t think I’ve coughed in upwards of fifteen
minutes or more.Pretty cool.
But… my nose has started running and I still feel fairly yuck.There’s a constant drip drip drip at the center of my face now, and I’m fighting an
urge to just free-fall into a couch and turn on some Green Acres.
I’m better than yesterday, though.So
maybe I’ll make it?Perhaps the
boys down at the crematorium won’t have to fire up “Big Daddy,”
after all?
--Yesterday’s Braves/Phillies
game was blacked-out here.I’d
flopped down with a big bowl of salted peanuts in the shell, a pub glass
full of tap water that’d passed through a Brita filter, and my orange
& blue Scrote watcher, ready for baseball.
The
last thing I saw, before everything went black, was a commercial for
raisins.It featured a cartoon
foreigner picking grapes and putting them into a basket, or whatever.Then:wham!The screen went dark, and not even a sliver of sports got
through.
Man, I was pissed.Philadelphia
isn’t exactly local, it’s two hours from here.Plus, the game has been sold out for months.I’m fairly certain the Phillies wouldn’t have lost one
dinglin’ cent if Comcast had let the broadcast go forward.They do the same thing with Mets and Yankees games here, and
it’s infuriating. What is this, 1978?
Wonder if there’s any other section of the country where three
baseball teams have their home games blacked-out?I have a feeling Northeastern
Pennsylvania leads
the league in that particular category.
And you can forget about listening to a Major League Baseball game on
the internet anymore.They’ve
got that shit completely locked-down, and want you to pay a subscription
fee to access radio play-by-play.Ha!They must think I’m a complete douche.
I know XM offers it, but I don’t have XM, so that’s not going to do
me much good, is it?Over the
years I’ve learned that services I don’t
have, provide very little.
I really like the idea of getting back into baseball this summer, but
they’re not making it easy on me.Yesterday
was Opening Day, and I’m already a bit soured on the whole thing.One more bump in the road and I’ll probably just throw in the
rally towel again.
--Just so you know, this update
was written on the Grateful Dead.I’m
not much of a fan, but every once in a while they hit the spot.And today is one of those every once in a whiles.
It’s long been my opinion that the Dead only had two good albums
during their entire decades-long career.And they both came out in 1970.I’m
talking about American Beauty
and Workingman’s Dead.Everything else was either spotty or full-blown crapola, as far
as I know.
Of course, I don’t consider myself an expert and could very easily be
wrong.
However… a couple of years ago Rhino Records released a best-of CD,
imaginatively titled The Very Best of the Grateful Dead, and it appears they agree with me.About half of the songs on the collection are from those two
albums.And how many albums did
the band release?A hundred?I just don’t know.
So anyway, that’s the disc I now reach for when I’m hankering for
some hippie music.It’s really
good, and I recommend it highly.Along
with, you know, the band’s two good studio albums.
And that’s what this update was written on, in case you’re keeping
score.
I’ll be back tomorrow with something new from Brad, and whatever half-assery
I might be able to come up with.
, and it appears they agree with me.