Holy
crap in a Bundt pan...
Due to the
recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be
clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an
Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to
serve, baby.
The
State of My Fat Ass A journal of
sorts, updated every once in a while.
--
You guys are great, and I mean it. Your reassuring messages yesterday,
both in the comments and via email, helped not only me, but also Toney.
It seems that everyone has gone through the loss of an important job at
least once in their lives, and not only recovered but are actually
better off than before. And those kinds of things are good to hear right
now, mighty good.
Thank you, sincerely, for giving a single dingle about any of it. Your
response was humbling. If there was ever any doubt that Surf Reporters
are the greatest people in the world, it's all been erased by now. I
hoist my Baseball Hall of Fame mug, and slurp off a thin layer of good
ol' Eight O'Clock Bean coffee, in your honor.
I'm actually feeling pretty good this morning. Monday night, after I'd
gotten the first whiff of the rancid cabbage fart that was about to blow
my way, I felt that I would surely vomit. My head was spinning and I was
almost literally sick. And yesterday morning at my
"breakfast," I didn't feel so great either. I think I even
contemplated the flinging of hot liquids.
But by the middle of the afternoon on Tuesday a strange calm took over,
and I started believing (really believing) that everything would be OK.
I've got almost a year to sort it all out. And once the dust settles,
perhaps I'll be with a company that's not vulnerable to technology, and
we won't have to live with the constant knowledge that it's only a
matter of time.
I'll still be employed through March, but don't have to report to work
after Friday. It's a semi-sneaky way to extend my severance, I'm told.
And they're paying me out for my vacation days, and all that crapola.
I'm still eligible for the yearly bonus that comes in April, and my
benefits remain in place for the bulk of 2007. And, of course, they're
going to continue paying my salary for a decent amount of time. So,
while it certainly sucks that it happened, it could be a lot worse.
As strange as it might seem, I'm not even angry at the company. This
kind of shit is simply a fact of life. A person would have to be
seriously deluded to believe that a corporation cares about them.
Oh, there are individuals there who do (possibly), but they're
ultimately powerless. It would be a waste of energy to get all worked up
about it, and believe it's personal. I was just another head in the head
count. Pass the bacon bits.
If it were just me and Toney, we'd almost
certainly cash out the equity in our house, and move to North Carolina
now. Prolly Raleigh. But the Secrets complicate matters. If at all
possible, we'd like to stay here for them. Yanking 'em out of their
schools, and away from their friends and activities, is a scenario I
hope to avoid. So, for the time being at least, I'm going to try to find
a new job here. Somehow, without really noticing, we've put down some
roots in Scranton. Bizarre, huh?
And that's about all I have to say on the subject at this point. I don't
want to turn this into a full-on pity party, and drone on and on about
my troubles every day. This ain't the Maury Povich Show, goddammit.
I'll leave you now with some actual good news. Actually, several items
of good news....
First, and most importantly, my right ear popped open this morning. Oh
yeah. It had been sealed-off tighter than a Russian submarine for about
two weeks, and this morning it just suddenly popped. I feel like I've
returned to the human race.
And remember how I was skeptical about CDBaby dotcom? Well, they
supposedly shipped me an ultra-rare Shoes disc yesterday. I still
don't have it in my boogery hands, so I probably shouldn't get too
excited yet, but they claim it's on the way. How is it possible? Where
are they getting compact discs that have been out of print for a
decade?? What kind of crazy voodoo are they practicing?
Also, I'm reading a book that's making me laugh out loud, which is
extra-welcome under the circumstances. It's the autobiography of
Wreckless Eric, one of the original Stiff Records musicians, and cult
hero to aging hipsters everywhere. His descriptions of people and events
are hilarious, and I recommend the book without
hesitation. And his best-of CD, as
well.
And that's it, boys and girls. Thanks again for your kindness, and I'll
see ya next time.
--
You guys are great, and I mean it. Your reassuring messages yesterday,
both in the comments and via email, helped not only me, but also Toney.
It seems that everyone has gone through the loss of an important job at
least once in their lives, and not only recovered but are actually
better off than before. And those kinds of things are good to hear right
now, mighty good.
without
hesitation. And his 
