Football like a
jet engine, and a whole buncha links
--Most of my co-workers were in the grip of a powerful football
frenzy last night, and trying desperately to get information.
People were sneaking away and mumbling into cell phones (then
whisper-hollering baffling phrases such as “OH, GOOD CHRIST EATING
A CORN ON THE COB!”), making excuses to go to the break room over
and over again, and trying to tune portable radios into broadcasts
coming out of the Territory
of Guam,
or somewhere.
The guy beside me went the radio route.He brought in some sort of hilarious apparatus with a
hand-crank on the side of it.I
was laughing my ass off when I walked in and saw him whipping that
handle round and round, with a gravely-serious man
on a mission
expression on his face.
I said, “What’s going on?Did
you figure out a way to get us off the island?!”
He had lots of trouble finding the game, or finding anything,
for that matter.He kept
walking around and putting the radio in different places, trying
desperately to locate the sweet spot.
In the end he had one of those plastic US Postal Service totes
turned upside down in the middle of the floor, with the radio
sitting on it.The antenna
was ratcheted forward on an almost full-blown horizontal slant, and
it sounded like someone was holding a microphone up to a vacuum
cleaner motor.
But way off in the distance, behind the incredible storm of noise,
an announcer could be heard.And
after paying attention for a few minutes, I realized it was, in
fact, a football game.At
first I thought it might be a talk show about Downs
syndrome, but eventually I was able to confirm its origin.
Since the game was so faint he had to turn the volume WAY UP, and it
was completely over-the-top.I
have no doubt passing aircraft could hear it.But he listened to the second-half of one game that way, and
another game in its entirety.I
started to worry about seizures.
Of course, I barely knew who was playing, and had no passion for any
of it.Steve bought tickets
from an internet scalper and drove to Green
Bayon Saturday, so I figured the Packers must be playing (yes, I’m an
amateur detective).And I’d
heard something about New England being undefeated, so they must still be in it…
Beyond that?Who the hell
knows?Professional football
ranks at number 341 on The Big List of Things I Care About, right
above caulk.I’ve provided
a comments link below, for those of you who might now feel the need to call me a
ballless pussy...
--And speaking of football, Nancyand the gang will supposedly be here the weekend of the Super Bowl.So make sure you’re subscribed to our mailing
list, and
don’t miss out on any of our super-secret VIP updates, y’hear?Pass the stank-hummus.
--Surf Reporter Diane spent
a day in New
York Cityshortly after Christmas, and sent us a
few photos.Thanks, Diane!As the
great philosophers tell us, New
Yorkis a Christmas kind of town...
--And remember the
doucheketeer I photographed at Sam’s Club recently, wearing a
full-length fur coat?Well,
check it out.Scruffythejanitor
spotted this dude in New
Yorka few days ago.And, as the
good Janitor puts it, “He
was also rocking the Urban Desperado Hat. A nice touch.”
Good stuff.
--This is pretty amusing.But even though the next video I’m going to suggest
required a lot less effort and talent, I think it’s even
funnier.
Back in October I told you about an episode of Extreme
Makeover: Home Edition
I’d just watched, where a woman fell flat on her face, after the
bullhorn-man showed up at her front door and started hollering all
willy-nilly.You can re-read
it here, if you’d like.
Then click on this link for the money-shot.The slo-mo at the end is an added bonus…
--And finally, I have some
amazing Smoking Fish sightings to share with you folks today.We’ve got two fresh shots straight outta Australia,
and three more you’ll just have to see to believe.Incredible.
Thanks to Hope and Sidney (Sydneyis in
Australia,
but Sidneyis not, in case you’re keeping score…) for the excellent photos.And I hope (Hope is in Australia)
the rest of you will continue to keep your eyes open.Because our logo, man, he gets around.
