--Yesterday we had what the locals refer to as “weather.”It started out as snow, but later turned into some kind of
bastardized mix of snow, rain, and sleet.And it was all moving horizontally, because of the screaming,
roof-ripping winds.
Yes, it was a lot of fun.Our
power was out for a couple of hours, and the house got cold right now.Even after the
lights came back on, the internet and cable were just things to
remember with fondness.
At one point I was actually reduced to sitting in a chair and reading
a book!I’m thinking about
filing a lawsuit.
Gigantic trees, with root balls (heh) still attached, were tipped over
all around the area, some landing on cars, others on houses.And I don’t know the details of it, but the local Sheetz
curvature-of-the-Earth gas emporium was supposedly on
fire at one point.
Sweet sainted mother of Scut Farkus!It
was like the apocalypse up here.
But I made it to work, dammit.Many
people didn’t, but I did.Do
you think it’ll be remembered, or appreciated?Yeah, I’m fairly cynical about such things as well.But what are ya gonna do?I’m
from West Virginia, and we don’t call off.
--On Saturday Toney and I went
Christmas shopping, and there’s no fun to be had from such an
exercise, none whatsoever.It
was complete pandemonium everywhere we went.
People were driving (and walking) at wildly different speeds, parking
lots were just a fistfight waiting to happen, everyone smelled like
body wash and coat closets, and checkout lines were so long I was
seriously thinking about changing my strategy from Christmas shopping
to Christmas shoplifting.
Then, when I was coming home from work last night, I heard on the
radio that weekend retail sales were “sluggish” and
“lackluster.”I almost
drove straight through a guardrail.
One newish retail development I dislike especially, is what we call in
the distribution biz “vendor managed inventory,” or VMI.It’s where the big box stores, or any business with clout,
has vendors themselves stocking their shelves, making buying
decisions, and acting as de
facto clerks.
The Wal-Marts of the world are quickly reaching the point where they
won’t need clerks, a receiving department, or even stockers in their
stores.It’ll soon become a
full-on requirement, in return for the privilege of selling products
from their shelves, that vendors do all the grunt work.
I understand this from a business standpoint, but don’t care for it
in reality.Some of those
vendors are pretty damn aggressive and in-yo-face, and it often feels
like a used car lot.When I
turn a corner and see some “representative” from a company hanging
out in an aisle, I slam on the brakes and start moving in the opposite
direction.
There’s one at an exclusive shopping club Toney and I belong to, who
I believe is the worst of them all.She’s
a rep for a company that makes a certain brand of photo printer, a
brand I consider to be shit.She’s
also rotund, and has the classic slurred speech common in the neo-fattie.
She hangs out in the printer aisle and won’t let anyone look at
anything except “her” brand.She’s
incredibly aggressive and relentless in her approach.She waves pamphlets around, and has a canned speech ready,
complete with “jokes.”And
once she has you in her meaty paws, mister, it’s all over.
Toney is interested in buying a photo printer, and this place has
great prices.But no way
we’re going near that aisle, as long as The Mountain is patrolling
it.
On Saturday we did a little advance scouting of the area, and didn’t
see her around.Huh.It didn’t make logical sense that she’d be off on such a
busy day, but she was nowhere to be seen.Could it be possible?
We tentatively approached the photo printers, our eyes darting from
side to side with nervousness.I
felt like we were living life on the edge, and my heart began beating
a little harder than normal.
Yeah, we made it roughly thirty seconds…We were looking at an HP model, when we heard off in the
distance, “Folkths!Folkths!!”
I turned and saw her moving at an accelerated clip, just an avalanche
of flesh.She looked like the
robot from Lost in Space, in
a t-shirt and stretch pants.Great
slabs were shifting from side to side as she made her way
to us, and it seemed like she was producing pamphlets and printer
cartridges from thin air.
I bolted – every man for
himself! – and got away.But
Toney wasn’t so lucky.I felt
kind of guilty about it, but I had no choice.
--Since we’re on the subject
of Christmas shopping, check this out.Man, that’s incredibly cool.I
love stuff like that.
--And finally, what’s your
opinion on Christmas trees?Do
you have a real one, or a fake one?We
used to get real trees, Toney felt strongly about it, but they’re a
pain in the ass (and expensive) and I was finally able to coax her
over to the dark side.
Nowadays we just bring a box up from the basement and “build” a
pine tree.So much better…
If you celebrate Christmas, and have a tree, what are your thoughts on
the subject?It seems like most
people are dead-set in their tree theories. What’s yours?
And that’ll do it for today, my friends.I’m not firing on all cylinders, for some reason, and my
throat is kinda sore.I just
want to curl up on a couch ‘neath a Scrote-watcher, and turn on Lucy.But employment is cramping my style…
