--I didn’t sleep very well last night.I got home from work around 3:30 am, completely exhausted.But after I climbed atop the dormancy platform, I tossed and
turned and thrashed and sighed, for a long time.Then I woke up before the alarm started hollering, for reasons
unknown.
It was slicker than the proverbial cat shit on a marble floor as I was
driving, and I was afraid to use our sidewalk when I finally made it
home.It’s on a slight downhill grade, you see, and my brain was
throwing up red flags as I contemplated my best course of action.
I had visions of me lying in the front yard until morning, with a
pelvis turned to dust.So I carefully navigated the snow-covered lawn instead, and got
to the porch without incident.
Usually Andy is barking by this point, but I heard nothing from inside
the house.I unlocked the door, and right there, on the floor, was a pool
of vomit the size of a serving platter.Simply excellent.
I looked around for the source, but ol’ Black Lips Houlihan was
laying low.I found him in the bunker with his ears and tail down,
obviously concerned about my reaction to his little gift.But what are you going to do?Dogs and babies vomit; it goes with the territory.He seemed relieved when I patted his head and greeted him in a
normal tone of voice.
I cleaned up the chunks and gravy, and got into a pair of gargantuan
lounging pants.Then I screwed around on the internet for a few minutes, and
realized I could barely hold my eyes open.And you know the rest of the story…
--The computer system at my job went down for five hours last
night.Our department relies on it completely and absolutely, so we
had nothing to do.And, of course, that wasn’t going to stand.
The Big Cheese called me down to his office, and “suggested” I
send my people to production.And he “suggested” I go as well.
So for five hours or so, I worked a freakin’ line.I was logged into a computer near a conveyor belt, scanned the
barcodes of items as they went past, took the sticker that printed as
a result of the scan, and put it over the original barcode.Over and over and over and over.
At first I was irritated.A year ago I was Field Operations Manager for (a major media
conglomerate), now look at me.It was like something off
Laverne & Shirley; I was
expecting to see a bottle inside a glove go past.
But after a while I lapsed into a trance, and several hours just
disappeared.Before I knew it, it was lunchtime.And during lunch the system came back to life… and it turned
out to be the easiest shift I’ve worked so far.
Not that it didn’t suck with the intensity of a thousand suns,
though...I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression.My spine feels like it’s been traumatized this morning, and I
don’t think my brain’s working correctly.The shit seems to be cutting in and out.
Please make me feel better.Please tell me you’re asked to perform demoralizing
monkey-could-do-it tasks at your job, from time to time.Use the comments link below; I beg of you.
--Surf Reporter Arlye sends along
this photo snapped inside a
London pub last week, to prepare us for our visit in a few months.Ahhh… the breathtaking views of fashionable London….
--And Buck, always going above and beyond the call of duty, has
signed up a new sponsor for TheWVSR.Check it
out.Great job!
--A few people emailed me while I was putting stickers on boxes
last night, to inform me of a Surf Report mention in the hometown
newspaper.Rick Steelhammer, a columnist for the
Charleston Gazette, gave
our questionable little exercise a nice plug in his Sunday piece.
Very cool…A friend told me his mother called yesterday afternoon, after
seeing the article, and said, “Is that Jeff kinda goofy?”Heh. I’m
fully prepared for a similar question from my mother.
--Speaking of West Virginia, I watched
We Are Marshall on Friday, then rated it three stars out
of five at Netflix.It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t very good either.Way too much syrupy melodrama for my tastes…I prefer the Larry David model:No Hugging, No Learning.Even when it involves the mass death of innocents.
--Before I hit you with the Question, I’d like to follow up on
something we spoke about on Friday.I asked for your advice on how to keep the words
affect and
effect straight in my head.I explained that I’ve struggled with it all my adult life,
and had taken to covering up my problem instead of confronting it.
The response was huge, not only in the comments but also in my email. And
one trick that was suggested may have actually solved the mystery for
me.
Surf Reporter Tim says he keeps it straight with the Virginia Rule.If it’s a Verb, he says, then it starts with an A.VA = Virginia.The Virginia Rule.
See, that’s the kind of thing I need.You can explain it to me all day long, using logic and common
sense, but it’s not going to sink in until I’ve got some sort of
nonsensical ridiculousness to tie it to.
So thanks Tim!I think you might’ve helped me finally come to terms with my
problem.I’ll keep you guys updated.
--And now the Question of the Day…This is something the Secrets and I have been doing for a long
time, and I’d like to get your input on it as well.
Name four items, the craziest combination you can think of, that can
be purchased at a Super Wal-Mart.You know,
like underwear, bullets, broccoli, and tires.
This one’s a lot of fun, folks, so I hope you’ll all participate.
