--Happy Pearl
Harbor
Day!My old boss in Atlantawas big on reminding everyone of this special
event, for reasons
unknown.Clearly, he had an axe
to grind, or some sort of personal investment in it far beyond the
norm.And so, every December 7
I think of him reminding us of the attack on Pearl
Harbor,
before remembering the attack itself.
And in case you’re keeping score at home, this is the same person who
said, EVERY SINGLE TIME we had Chinese food for lunch, “It doesn’t
matter which one you order, it’ll all end up as #2 eventually.”
Just thought you should know.
--You guys provided me
with some good advice yesterday, and I appreciate it.I’ve given up my brief 24-hour fascination with Photoshop,
and have completely moved on.I’m
now thinking about banking my birthday money instead, and putting it
toward a new camera.
My current camera is a good one, but it’s fairly old and only
offers-up 3.2 megapixels, or somesuch.So I’d like to upgrade before our trip in March.Any suggestions on digital cameras in the, say, $500 price
range?I’d be much
obliged.
I also thank you for your concern about my eating habits.I don’t think I was clear enough in stating my reasons for a
temporary beer moratorium; it wasn’t so much to lose weight (just a
side benefit), but more about finishing up some writing projects.I seem to get more done when I’m living on water instead of
Yuengling.Go figure.
But you’re right, I eat a horrible diet.If I continue down this road paramedics will have to remove our
picture window when my heart finally says fuckit.So I’m turning over a new leaf, starting today.
I don’t think I can do it without help, though.I believe I’ll need some assistance.I did a little research online, and couldn’t find any
information about patches for people trying to give up fast food.So I’ve decided to buy a bunch of those little 79 cent
hamburgers at McDonald’s, and have Toney slap one of the patties
between my shoulder blades every morning, before I start the day.
Wish me luck.
--Last night we enjoyed a
return to normalcy here at the compound.After dinner I watched Seinfeld
with the Secrets, and when they hit the sack Toney and I took in the
latest episode of Friday
Night Lights,
off the DVR.It felt like
I’d been underwater, and was finally able to breathe again.
And just so you know…I
currently have two
Netflix movies at home right now.I usually don’t rent movies these days (they’re too long
and too frequently shitty), I go with TV shows instead.
But today I’ve got We
Are Marshall
and Knocked-Up,
just begging to be watched.
I attended classes at Marshallfor a couple of semesters (back when dinosaurs roamed the Earf),
before losing my way and going adrift
again.And while adrift,
there were a few tense days when I thought my girlfriend was, um,
knocked-up.
So, it’ll be a theme weekend here at Surf Report World Headquarters.Pass the Wasabi Funyuns.
--Have you seen any of
the Van Halen reunion shows?How
was it?I need to know.I wanted to
go, in a low-watt non-actionable kind of way, but will have to
experience it vicariously through you folks.Help me out, won’t you?
And since we’re on the subject… what was the last concert you
attended?While living in PennsylvaniaI’ve seen Paul Westerberg, the Beautiful South (twice), the Eels
(twice?), and Steely Dan.I
think that’s the full roster…And during our
Californiastay, I saw the Eels and X.
I don’t get out much anymore, because I’m old and passionless.Or, more accurately: I’m much more focused in my passions
these days.…Yeah,
that’s it.
What about you?
--Surf Reporter Chris
sends along this link about an event that happened just a few miles
from here, but we only learn about from a website in England!Clearly there was a well-orchestrated local news cover-up.They could’ve easily wedged a giant penis between the daily
coverage of house fires and sinkholes.So to speak.I
demand an explanation!
--I’m not sure what to
make of this.There’s
something about that last statement I don’t believe I care for…
Regardless of its accuracy.
--And I’m going to call
it a day here.Suddenly
I’m so hungry I’m starting to hallucinate. (That, or my
autographed photo of Carl Reiner just winked at me.)I’ll leave you now with a question from the Stealing Clive
Bull’s Topics desk, and another cry for help.
Yesterday Clive was asking callers who they’d last hugged, besides
their spouse or kids.He
claims Americans are big huggers, and British people are not.I don’t know if that’s true.Is it?All I know
is, I’m not a fan of touching people outside my immediate fambly.When an aunt comes in for a hug, my whole body goes rigid.
Toney’s family is big on hugging, so I’m sure my answer would be
either Nancyor Sunshine.What about
you?Who was the last
person you hugged, and what’s your feelings on hugging in general?
And finally, I need your assistance with something.For the life of me, I cannot get the words affect
and effect straight
in my head.I don’t
think I’m a stoopid man, I’m not Carl from Slingblade
here,
but this has been an issue my entire adult life.
Is there an easy rule to remember?Help me out, people.I
need closure.I’ve
started covering up, like a high-functioning alcoholic; I’ve
become an expert at hiding my problem from the world.But I need to face it, once and for all.
I appreciate your understanding in this delicate matter.
