--Yeah, it’s starting to get to me a little.These new hours, I mean.I
woke up this morning in a foul mood, lashed out viciously at Andy
(Black Lips Houlihan), and called my coffee cup an asshole.
I’m not really tired, that’s not it, I just feel like
something’s askew, like I’m trudging around in a world that’s
almost familiar, but not really.I
haven’t seen Toney or the kids since Sunday, I’ve only talked to
them on the phone.And I
haven’t watched a TV news broadcast in days.
We could be at war with Canada for all I know…
The place I go to do my new job is like a fortress.There are no windows (at least where I work), no internet
access (except for the corporate website), and not even real programs on
the TVs in the break room (they show company information and
“cool” trivia instead).
So, I’m struggling a bit today.I’m
sure I’ll get used to it, but I’m craving normalcy right now.And by normal I mean sitting on a couch with Toney, working my
way through an outsize bowl of salted peanuts in the shell, and
watching Homicide.
--A couple of nights ago I stopped at McDonald’s on my way homefrom work.This was at 3
am, remember, and I was freakin’ starving.So I pulled up to the electronic order catcher, and told The
Voice I wanted two hamburgers and a small order of fries.
I like their hamburgers.Ya
know?In fact, I think it’s
my favorite thing at McDonald’s.Not
the fancy-ass Big Mac, or Quarter Pounder, or any of that stuff.No, I prefer those simple smashed-flat burgers, with ketchup,
mustard, and onions that look like rice.The cheeseburgers aren’t as good for some reason, even though
I’m a big fan of cheese.
Anyway…After my order had been caught by the order catcher, The Voice
said, “We’re not accepting credit cards.”TF?I didn’t say
anything about a credit card.I
told it I had cash, and it said, “OK, then.Pull forward.”
Scratching my head in confusion, I did as I was told.And to my surprise, there was a human at the drive-through
window.It was a woman who
looked a little like Margot Kidder back in the day, sporting some sort
of Leif Garrett seashell necklace.
And apparently she was suffering from the same middle o’ the night
otherworld disorientation as I am, ‘cause she wanted to talk.Oh, I’m smart enough to know it had nothing to do with me;
she just needed interaction with another human.Any human.
So we shot the shit while my fries cooked.Usually I’m not a fan of such things, but this time it was
welcome and enjoyed.We Night
People (as we’ve already been pegged at work) have to stick
together.It takes a village,
goddammit.
--Here’s a Question for you
folks… During my ridiculous life I’ve had the, um, pleasure of
working in many offices, located all across the fruited plain. And
there have been consistent types of people at every one of them.
Now, I’m not making any comments about anything I’ve observed
lately (ahem), but here are a couple:
The woman (always a woman) who lives for talking about medical
procedures, the prescriptions she and her family are taking,
projectile miscarriages, etc.Every.
Where. I’ve. Worked.
And the guy (always a guy) who’s into some sort of extreme fitness
program, and who demonstrates his kookiness via actions, not words.You know, like he’ll walk around drinking a nasty stank-ass
“shake” all the time, in a tall plastic cup he brought from home.Or he’ll have a freezer bag filled with dozens and dozens of
egg whites, which he’ll snack on throughout the day.All for our benefit, of course.
What are the other universal office types?We need to get it all down on virtual paper, and I require your
assistance.Use the comments link
below.
--Before I turn it over to one
of our talented Surf Report correspondents, I’ve got a few quick
music comments I need (NEED!) to get off my chest…
I really liked the new Springsteen
CD when I first bought it, I thought it
was brilliant.But after a week
or so, I realized I had no desire to ever hear it again.It’s already worked its way far down the bunker stacks, and
it’s only been a month or so.Is
it just me?
On the other hand…I’m
completely obsessed with two CDs:the
Green Day best-of (for the car),
and the latest studio album
by Marah (for home).
I recently bought the Green Day (in pristine condition) through half
dotcom for 90 cents plus postage.And
I can’t stop playing it.I
always liked the band, but kinda forgot about them through the years.This album is a blast, and it receives the Surf Report Seal
of Approval.
And, have you ever heard of Marah?I’m
embarrassed to admit I hadn’t, until about a year ago.And where did I learn about them?That’s right, Stephen King.He
raved about ‘em in one of his Entertainment Weekly (The Shitter's
Companion) columns, and I
checked them out.Incredible
band. I now own everything they've ever released.
And I’m trying not to concentrate on the fact that Stephen King is
more musically cutting-edge than I am at this point.Holy shitknuckles!
(for the car),
and the 