Lunch before
microwaves, bad radio wackiness, and the oldest thing you own
--The other day I was thinking about the pre-microwave era, and
what we used to eat for lunch back then.A lot of sandwiches, I guess.But what about when we wanted something hot?
As mentioned before, I’ve never lived in a house with a toaster
oven.So I was basically
confined to the stovetop, or the full-blown oven.And mister, that’s almost like real cooking…
I remember lots of terrible frozen pizzas.Back when I was a youngling there was no DiGiorno, or anything
fancy like that.No, these
things were about three for a dollar, and tasted like corrugated
fiberboard.It was
literally just something to drop down your neck, and keep your stomach busy for a
while.
And there was some sort of “meat product” called Steak-Ums, which
was frozen “beef” in the style of Philadelphiacheesesteak.Steak-Ums always looked good on TV commercials, and in my
imagination, but was disappointing in real life.I experimented with the stuff for a while, and it just never
lived up to its potential.It
was like eating cheese-smothered shoe-tongues.
Much better was Buzz Buttered Steaks.I have a feeling this one was local, or at least regional,
‘cause I’ve never seen it outside of WV.It was a frozen square of hamburger (similar to Wendy’s),
with a big ol’ hunk of butter stuck to the top of it.
Do any of you know what I’m talking about?Can you still buy it?I
remember it as being damn good,
but too involved for a Jiffy Pop-haired 12 year old kid to prepare.So it was an occasional weekend lunch item, when my parents
were home.
I also remember frozen sacks of beef and gravy.You’d fill a pot with water, drop the bag of goodness in
there, and boil it into oblivion.After it was done, you’d put a couple slices of bread (or
toast if you were feeling especially sporty), cut open the pouch (Be
careful!You’ll end up
wearing a teddy of gauze!), and dump it all on top.Good stuff.
And, of course, there was always the classic fried baloney sandwich.Or, as some smartasses called it, West Virginia Round Steak.The trick was to cut slits in it while it was cooking, or the
slice would draw-up and turn into a teacup of meat.
My Dad also liked Treet, but I never really warmed to that stuff.It tasted pretty good, but I was always afraid I’d chomp down
on a human toenail.I’m
not kidding, it’s exactly the color of Caucasian flesh.And I can’t have that.
If you’re old enough to remember, what did you do for a quick hot
lunch before microwaves were in use?Tell us about it, won’t you?
--I rarely listen to the
radio anymore, but turned it on today while driving the youngest
Secret to school.I’m
not sure what station I was tuned to, but something on the FM dial.And there were two “wacky” morning guys, being “wacky.”
I mean, it was just shockingly bad.They had the accepted format down, but were unable to deliver
the comedy.Both were
professional enough to know their way around a broadcast studio, and
seemed to be aware of what was expected of them.But, as far as I could tell, there wasn’t a sense of humor in
the house.
I couldn’t turn it off.Even
after I got home, I sat in the driveway and listened.I felt like I was eavesdropping on a couple of nerds at my high
school, fully expecting one of them to bust out with some lines from Monty
Python and the Holy Grail.
I had long commutes in both Atlantaand
Los Angeles, and listened to a lot of
morning radio in those days.And
looking back on it, I don’t think I fully appreciated the level of
talent being served-up in those cities.
Sweet sainted mother of Carl Rappaport!
--I think I’m going to
have a sandwich, load this CD
to my iPod, and take a long walk in the
park.My brain chemicals
are conspiring against me this morning, and I think I need to get out
of the house for a while.
But I’ll leave you with something from the Stealing Clive Bull’s
Topics desk.You know, for
those of you too young to remember life before microwaves…
The Question is very simple:What’s
the oldest item in your house?I
have a stack of tobacco cards from the 1900s and the 1910s, T206s
for those of you geeky enough to know what that means, and they’re
probably the oldest things here.
What about you?Use the
comments link below to tell us about it.
to my iPod, and take a long walk in the
park.