--During my entire Dunbar Elementary/Jr. High School/High School
career I never owned a backpack.In
fact, I don’t think anybody did.I’m
sure I’d remember mocking them if such a person had existed…
So how’d we make it through?
‘Cause backpacks are oh-so-important to kids nowadays.Both Secrets have had several since they started kindergarten,
and as far as I know they’ve all been Land’s End, or LL Bean, or one of
those fancy-ass deals.Always,
I think, with their initials sewn into them.I mean, seriously…
In case you couldn’t guess, Toney takes care of all that.I just bitch about the price.And
I also question why it seems like we’re always buying the things,
especially since the ones she chooses are supposed to be of the
highest quality, etc.Why so
many backpacks?!We’ve got
backpacks coming out our buttcracks.
Just this past weekend, in fact, Toney went to Dick’s Sporting Goods
and bought the oldest Secret a new pack, because the old one is
supposedly too small.He was
complaining that there wasn’t enough room to put his big ol’
binder inside, and also bring home the necessary textbooks.
I recognized this as standard-issue excuse-making (I was once an
eleven year old boy), but Toney’s far less cynical about such
things.And now we’ve got yet another expensive piece of so-called sports luggage in the
bottom of our closet.Pass the
beer nuts.
When I was a youngling backpacks were for people setting out on a long
hike in the mountains, and usually had a rolled-up sleeping bag
strapped to the bottom.We
carried our books with, you know, our arms.
I can remember walking home from the high school struggling with a
stack of heavy-ass textbooks, dropping them in the mud, and running my
hands through my hair like a speed freak.And believe me, in 1980 that wasn’t an easy thing to do…
Today every kid comes equipped with an auxiliary reservoir attached to
their bodies.We had no
reservoirs, and we certainly had nothing with our initials sewn into
it.It was just every man for
himself, and quit yer bitchin’.
How’d we make it through?
--And since we’re on the
subject…A few days ago I
mentioned that Toney sees high school girls walking around all the
time with one leg of their pants rolled up, and doesn’t know why.Well, check out what I noticed in Sunday’s Target ad.Has the phenomenon gone mainstream already?
--And speaking of books…I went to Borders over the weekend, and spent a little time
just poking around.For some
reason I don’t like Borders very well, I much prefer Barnes &
Noble when it comes to megachain bookstores.
But we were there with “other people,” and I had some time to
kill.So I looked around and
checked things out.
A few quick observations:
In the humor section I found a large hardcover book filled with scans
of other peoples’ grocery lists.It
was just page after page of “apples, bologna, toilet paper…” and
that sort of thing.Who would
buy such an item?!
I saw a man walking two steps behind his girlfriend, carrying (in his
arms!!) two large wedding guestbooks (both fancy-pants and frilly) and
a coffee table book about serial killers.
In the computer section I came across a hefty volume called Paypal
for Dummies.WTF?As far as I know, you just punch in your credit card number,
and hit PAY.What else is
there?!
Why are some mass-market paperbacks now freakishly tall?I don’t care for it, not one tiny bit.And I refuse to participate.
And in case you were wondering…I
bought The Ignored
by
Bentley Little, for $6.99.The
cashier worked hard at getting my email address, but did not succeed.
--Surf Reporters Karen and
Rick sent along a CARE package filled with some very cool custom-made
stickers.Check ‘em
out.
Thanks guys!I have a feeling
the Smoking Fish will be turning up in a few conspicuous places around
town, in the near future.
--And speaking of the Smoking
Fish, he’s been spotted once again -- this time outside the
legendary Clermont Lounge in
Atlanta!I used to live on Bonaventure Avenue,
just a few short yards
from this place.And it was,
um, a few colorful years.
--I have more, but I REALLY
want a club sandwich.So I’ll
leave you now with something from the Stealing Clive Bull’s Topics
desk.A few nights ago Clive
was taking calls from people who had faked an injury, or an illness,
to get out of something they didn’t want to do.
He was looking for stuff more elaborate than just calling in sick for
work…Most people have done
that. One woman, for instance, said she faked a broken leg for several weeks, complete with a
homemade cast, as a result of some convoluted lie she told.
Got anything on that subject?If
so, use the comments link below.
by
Bentley Little, for $6.99.