--Do teenagers still attend midnight movies?It’s a question I cannot answer.I’m out of the loop, since I have no teenagers and never
listen to the radio anymore.But
I suspect it’s a thing of the past, a 1980s throwback, like the Pink
Floyd laser spectacular and Freshen-Up gum.Am I wrong?
The most famous of all midnight movies, of course, is the Rocky
Horror Picture Show.I
saw that steaming pile at least twice, once in the middle of full-on
theater anarchy, then again after they’d clamped-down on all the
fun.And believe me,
it’s only bearable if you can throw shit.
We watched it in one of the old free-standing, now long-gone, theaters
in Charleston.The Kearse, or the Capitol, or the Plaza; one of those three.And the first time we went vendors were actually selling
throwables in the lobby.You
could buy bags of rice, and stacks of toast, and other stuff I can’t
now remember.
Being newbies we walked right past these people, and entered the
theater itself.And it was
an incredible sight to behold.The
movie hadn’t even started yet, and people were standing on chairs,
and hurling stuff at each other.I
thought I saw an armrest sail across the room, in a high, lazy arc.
As we walked down the aisle I was hit in the side of the face with
what felt like a shotgun blast of driveway gravel.But it turned out to be rice, thrown at close-range by somebody
in the shadows.
You might think, like I probably did, that a handful of rice can’t
hurt a person.But on that
count you would be wrong.All
of us were covering up, and screaming, “Holy shit!” and “What
the fuck!?”
I can’t remember who was there… definitely Steve and Bill and Tim,
and probably others.And I
have no doubt some of us had been enjoying a few adult beverages
throughout the evening...We
walked through an agitated cloud
of rice, trying to protect our eyes, and looking for open seats.
We found a spot near the front, and flopped down there.We noticed a couple of Popular People from our high school in
front of us, a guy and a girl, apparently out on a date.Their shoulders were all hunched-up, and they looked like they
were trying to endure the bombing of Dresden.Both their heads were completely white with rice.
After we got settled, I started looking around and noticed that a few
folks were in full-blown costumes.Since I’d never seen Rocky
Horror before, I assumed they were dressed like characters from
the movie.
What a grand gang of douches.
One guy, a big ol’ comic book nerd sporting a trench coat, was
irritated that the audience wasn’t “doing it right.”Apparently there were (are?) strict codes of conduct for folks
attending a screening of the movie, and this group wasn’t following
the rules.
Heroically he stood in the ricestorm, faced the audience, and pleaded
for civility.And somebody
hit him in the neck with a wadded-up popcorn bucket.
Eventually the movie started, and it was horrible.Lots of singing and miscellaneous gayness…A few of the more plugged-in Rocky
Horror aficionados began
“participating” in the film, hollering lines in advance and
utilizing the bag of props they’d apparently brought from home.
But most of us just kept throwing stuff, with no correlation
whatsoever to what was going on in the movie itself.At one point a half-full can of beer (I’m almost sure it was
Busch) came flying out of the audience, and hit the screen.And for the rest of the night there was a big comma of wetness
up there.
Somebody in our aisle had a flashlight, and began taking it apart,
piece by piece, then throwing each component.He’d probably thought about flinging the whole thing, then
realized he could get more mileage if he disassembled it.
So we sat and watched in amazement as he hurled the batteries(!), the
shaft, the bulb, the clear plastic disc on the end, and so on, until
it was all gone.Hillbilly
ingenuity…
Yes, it was a night to remember.But,
unfortunately, there would be no more.Somebody reportedly got hurt and raised nine shades of hell.I’m not sure if it was the girl I saw walking out of there
with blood pouring out of her nose (probably one of those big D
cells!), or someone else.But
after that night they clamped down on it, and it was never the same.
Still in awe and hoping for the best, we returned the next week
anyway.And it sucked.Now it was just the movie itself, and nerds hollering dialog in
the dark.And I can’t
have that.It was (I
believe) my final Rocky Horror
experience.
But that first viewing was an all-time classic.I picked rice out of my jacket pockets, and my ELO hair, for
what seemed like weeks.That
stuff has a way of working its way into crevices, and I remember
taking a shower the next morning and seeing uncooked food tumbling
down from various locales.It
wouldn’t surprise me to learn there are still a few stray grains
lodged in certain hard-to-reach areas.
One of these days real soon I’m going to have to put together a full
collection of my most vivid midnight movie/drive-in memories.But not today.You
guys can take it from here…If
you have any midnight movie stories to tell,
please use
the comments link below.
