June 28, 2007  Myrtle Beach Sun, Day 1

-- How y’all doing? That just rolls off my tongue (keyboard) this morning, following our refresher course in South Carolina over the past week or so. I feel like I’ve reconnected with my roots, or somesuch... 

And, I’m sorry to have to report this, but the trip was great. The weather was incredible, we had a blast, and there weren’t too many I Love Lucy moments. It was about as perfect as a camping trip to the beach can get. 

Again, I apologize.

Thursday Toney enrolled the youngest Secret in a week’s worth of introductory golf lessons, and the last session took place on Thursday. So we weren’t able to leave until around 2 o’clock in the afternoon, after he was finished beating the planet Earth into submission. 

We figured we’d drive about 300 of the 700 miles that night, and get into Myrtle Beach during the early afternoon on the following day. The campground has an “official” check-in time of 3 o’clock , but we’ve learned from experience that they don’t really enforce it. Our goal was to have the festivities fully underway shortly after lunchtime on Friday.

Nothing too exciting happened on our first day’s drive, except we passed a San Francisco MUNI bus way out in rural Pennsylvania somewhere. And it looked like there were about twenty people aboard. What the?? Perhaps it was a trainee driver, who’d gotten horribly lost? I just don’t know.   

Yeah, there was that, and also the ball-twisting Atlanta-caliber traffic jam we encountered in Washington D.C. We were on 495, and didn’t move a single inch for great hunks of time. Needless to say, I was running my hands through my hair like a freakin’ speed freak.

As we sat like idiots on a highway with our car in PARK, I looked around and saw some interesting things. For instance, it felt like every other person was an Indian. Not American Indians, but Indians from India . (Or as Sunshine puts it, dots not tomahawks.) Not that it bothered me or anything (what do I care?), it just seemed a tad curious.

Also, we spotted a couple of cars with Diplomat license plates. Those are the people who have immunity from our laws, right? So they can theoretically get all liquored up and drive straight through a family reunion picnic, and nothing will happen to them? Right? I looked at those folks with much suspicion, because of their family reunion-ruining ways.

And speaking of license plates, what’s the story with “Taxation Without Representation” being on some of them? I don’t know everything, but that slogan has a slight negative feel to it. How’d they get the government to include such a thing? What’s next? “The District of Columbia : Wotta Craphole?” It’s all so confusing…

At one point a vehicle shaped like a giant peanut went zipping past in the opposite direction, complete with a top hat and monocle-wearing peanut-shaped novelty driver sticking out of the top. It had the Planters logo on the side, and was mocking us with its speed. 

Have you hollered obscenities at a fast-moving peanut wagon? I have.

Oh, and I’m almost certain I saw Dick Cheney riding a five-speed bicycle with a gallon of milk in his left hand. I’m serious, I think it was the Vice President out buying groceries.

We stayed in a town called Culpepper (or is it Culpeper?), Virginia . Toney booked the motel in advance, and it turned out to be a fine choice indeed. It was a Best Western, I think, very nice and clean and offering free wireless internet. 

Across the road was a massive shopping complex, with every chain restaurant known to man. Even Five Guys. I had my eye on Cracker Barrel, but we had Andy with us and didn’t feel comfortable leaving him in the unfamiliar motel room alone. We were afraid he might flip-out and try to eat his way through sheetrock.

So we ended up having cold(?!) Whoppers out of a sack, right in our room. Oh, it was quite the party atmosphere, I’m here to tell you.

Before I turned in for the night, at the outrageous hour of 9 o’clock or whatever, I realized I’d forgotten to pack a contact lens case. So I had to put saline solution in the bottom of two plastic cups, and drop ‘em in there. I was convinced somebody would wake up the next morning and guzzle down my corrective lenses, but somehow it worked out. (I’m telling you… we had some kind of vacation guardian angel looking out for us.)

And I’ll pick up the story right there tomorrow. 

Here’s a little sneak-preview picture taken through a window in my parents’ camper. See how close we were to the ocean? Sweet Maria, it was incredible. We could sit outside at night with a vessel of the golden elixir, and actually hear the waves crashing on the beach. My nipples are exploding with delight.

-- Before I call it a day here, I’d like to alert you to this cool new Smoking Fish sighting. Thanks Amy! 

And I also want to thank everyone who pre-ordered t-shirts while I was away. So, thank you. I haven’t done any calculations yet, but I might have to do a re-order on some of the sizes already. And that’s good stuff.    

I’m hoping to have the actual shirts tomorrow, and be able to start mailing them out on Monday. I’ll keep you updated.

And that’ll do it for today, boys and girls.

See y'all tomorrow.




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01/17/12 12:13 PM

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