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Holy crap in a Bundt pan... Due to the recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to serve, baby.

The View From Down Here
A journal of sorts, updated every once in a while.

Where all  the single people at?

June 20, 2007

-- I was completely exhausted all day on Monday, so I vowed to turn over a new leaf and get to bed earlier. 

The first night, because my brain was expanding and contracting inside its housing, I drifted off immediately. I hit the sack around 9:00 , and was clear-cutting rain forest by 9:30 . It was, as they say, the sleep of kings.

But last night didn’t go so well… Again I was in bed before half past nine, and read for a little while. Then I wallowed and flopped and thrashed and turned. 

At one point Toney sat bolt upright and said, “What exactly is your problem?!” Then she mumbled something about feeling like she was in a rowboat on the ocean, and rolled over like she meant that shit.

I tried to lie perfectly still after that, but I was wide awake and it wasn’t easy. Adjustments were necessary. Hoping she wouldn’t notice, I began moving around again, only real slow. Know what I mean?

I’m not sure what time I finally fell asleep, but it’s safe to say I could’ve just stayed up and been disappointed by a couple more episodes of Rescue Me.

I guess I need to find a happy medium?

-- Speaking of reading, I’ve started a book while still in the middle of another one. That’s something I usually don’t condone, but so far it seems to be working.

I dated a girl years ago who always had three or four novels going simultaneously. The things would be scattered all over her apartment, and when she wanted to do some reading she’d just reach for the book that happened to be closest.

Needless to say, it drove me nuts. I don’t go in for all that overlapping nonsense. I’m always reading something, but it’s one book at a time. Because that's what common sense demands. 

Also, I finish what I started, regardless of how shitty it might be. My ex would read a chapter or two, toss it aside, then pick it up again in a few months. Or sometimes not. Her bookshelf was filled with partially-read books, some filed with their spines facing the wall!

It was pure undiluted anarchy, and kept me on edge for several years. I still cringe when I think about it. 

The fact that I’m now reading two books at once is a major event; I feel like I’ve just changed political parties, or something. It’s kind of exhilarating.

-- Hey, check out this great new blog entry. The writing, I think, is top-notch. I'm thinking about stealing it, and acting like I wrote it. What do you think?

-- I was wasting some time at a newspaper archive site this morning, and here are a few of the TV shows broadcast in Charleston, WV (across both channels) on today’s date in 1954:

Test Pattern
What’s Cookin’ with Sara Harshbarger
Fire and Your Hospital(?)
Music Mountain Style
Grinding Carbide Tools(?!)
Badge 714 with Jack Webb
Ding Dong School
Betty White Show(!)
Sign Off

There was also a baseball game on Channel 3 at 2:00, Cincinnati vs. New York, preceded by Dugout Dope.

The weather on that day? Hot (94). Late thundershowers. 

Oh, and Stone & Thomas department store had toilet tissue on sale at 80 cents for ten rolls. 1000 sheet rolls, finest quality, in peach or blue. These were available in the Cosmetics section on the first floor. Which seems kinda bizarre…

Coincidentally, Shoney’s was offering up 45 cent shrimp cocktails, and “fillet” mignon dinners for $1.35. This week only.

Just thought you should know.

-- I’ve been raving about the new Wilco  CD for a couple of weeks, but now I’m all jacked-up about another one. It is my opinion that the new Dinosaur Jr. is, and I don’t use this term very often because it’s kinda faggy, fantastic. If you ever liked those guys, and even if you didn’t, you simply can’t go wrong with their new reunion effort. Word up.

-- And finally, the question of the day… When I lived in Georgia there was a local joke that went:

Q: Why are people in Alpharetta always so happy?
A: Because they’re so close to Cumming

Get it? They’re talking about the neighboring town of Cumming, GA.

And when I lived in West Virginia there was a standard response whenever someone would start dropping hints. 

A kid, for instance, might say something like, “Remember when we had those really good ice cream cones that time? Yeah boy, those were some really good ice cream cones…”

Within seconds a parent or some adult could be counted on to say, with a smirk, “Hinton’s up the river!” Because, you see, there was a town called Hinton, and it was located up the river.

My question: what are some of the “jokes” you know, that nobody except the locals could possibly understand? Use the comments link below, if you’ve got anything to offer on this one.

And I’ll do it again tomorrow.




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01/17/12 12:13 PM

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