June 18, 2007

-- I’m not operating at full capacity this morning. My brain wants more sleep, or some such pussification. It’s being all sluggish and buggy on me. Just curious: have you ever yelled at your brain? I have. In fact, mine just got a good dressing-down today. Because it deserved it. 

Anyway, this one’s just gonna be another clearing house of items from my notebook. It’s the best I can do under the circumstances… 

-- Yesterday we took our dog Andy to the park, and walked around in the sunshine. Without us knowing it, one of the Secrets brought along his “fart jar.” Here’s what it looks like, and the thing makes incredibly realistic assplosion noises. 

I realize I’m 44 and should be mature by now, but I laughed so much yesterday it felt like my gut was afire.

As we strolled past picnickers and people fishing and whatnot, he’d plunge his hand into that jar. And it sounded like one of us had just unleashed the biggest and oiliest cauliflower fart of the new millennium. Oh man, the reactions were classic.  Toney was even buckled over in laughter.

He had that thing with him in Myrtle Beach once, while we were walking around an outdoor mall with my parents, and I was afraid my Dad might go over a railing he was laughing so hard. People were doing double-takes and walking into each other… It was an all-time classic.

I highly recommend the fart jar.

-- Later today I’m going to try to have a Surf Report t-shirt pre-order page up and operational. 

Sizes Small through XL will be $15, postpaid. 2X and 3X will be two dollars extra, because that’s what the T-Shirt Lady is charging me. I guess it’s because they have to use an entire bolt of fabric for each? I just don’t know.

Check back, if you’re so inclined, and get your order in early. I probably won’t have the actual shirts until next week, or the week after. But they’re being made by the same folks who did them last time, and will be high quality indeed.

Bonus: Since we’re in the midst of shedding season, and I’ll be personally hand-packing every order on the family room coffee table, there’s a good chance some shirts might have a dog hair or two on them. Please feel free to use one to clone your very own Andy! 

I’m providing this value-added bonus at no additional charge.

-- Follow-up on a previous item: Sunshine has received her hilarious deep sea diver oxygen tanks, that I helped her purchase through eBay. And she reportedly “loves” them. 

Apparently UPS had attempted delivery several times, and Toney’s brother finally retrieved all the notification slips that had piled up. Sunny called them from Bag Rash, Texas, or wherever, and told them she’d just pick everything up once she returned to town. And now everybody’s just as happy as a retard at the Ice Capades.

Who could’ve predicted such a thing?

-- Have any of you tried this stuff? I’m highly skeptical. I love sweet tea, needless to say, but have a feeling this crap is made from powder stored in ten gallon buckets. Is it real tea that’s been brewed, and everything? McDonald’s has pretty good coffee, so I guess it’s possible. Do you guys know anything about it? Sweet tea in these parts is mighty hard to come by.

-- Here’s another Smoking Fish sighting, this time in Palm Springs, California. Extra-cool. Thanks Janet! Since we’re getting into vacation season, be sure to keep your eyes open, folks. ‘Cause our logo, man, he gets around.

-- And speaking of vacation, we’re leaving for Myrtle Beach on Thursday afternoon, returning on Tuesday or Wednesday. 

The campground where we’ll be staying has a no alcohol rule, but they don’t enforce it unless someone gets carried away and removes his pants at the Fish Fry, or whatever. It’s understood that beer needs to be consumed from cans, and everyone should be discreet and use “coozies.” 

We have some great beer holders that I bought at the Yuengling brewery gift shop, but they’re buried deep inside our rolling box o’ beds. And I really don’t want to open that bitch up. So it looked like we might be going into it coozieless.

But check out what I found yesterday in the dollar bins at Target. Homer approved! I also picked up a Homer Simpson bottle opener that says, “If something's hard to do, it's not worth doing.” 

And now we’re officially ready for vacation.

-- Finally, a short music note… After years of being patient, I finally picked up a CD copy of one of my all-time favorite live albums. This one, to be exact. 

I’ve had that thing on my various wish lists for a long, long time, but used copies were either expensive or too banged-up for my tastes. And the new import copies cost so much it just makes me laugh full-out.

Now I’ve got it though, and it sounds just as good as I remember. I don’t generally like live albums. Most are nothing more than contractual obligations, and feature inferior versions of familiar songs. (I remember angrily throwing a cassette copy of Aerosmith's Live Bootleg from my car window in front of the Catholic church in Dunbar.) This one, however, is the exception to the rule.

Ian will be performing in Philadelphia on Wednesday, but since we're leaving for the beach the next day, I can't be driving through the night on some wild Mott the Hoople adventure. Ya know?

What are some other great live albums? I don’t think there are too many. Am I wrong about that? Tell me about it, dammit.

And I’ll have more of this crapola tomorrow.

See ya then.




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