June 12, 2007

-- Man, that blew a whole primate house full of monkeys.

Yesterday afternoon a woman called and wanted to set up an interview for Tuesday morning, with a Large Company We All Know. Cool, I thought. I like the Large Companies We All Know. 

I’d sent them a resume and didn’t apply for any specific position, so I asked her what I’d be interviewing for. Her answer didn’t really excite me. It sounded like warehouse management, and at a level that probably wouldn’t pay nearly enough. But there’s no harm in going through the process.  Right?

So, I went to bed around 9:30, hoping to wake up refreshed and clear-thinking. And, for reasons unknown, I tossed and turned through the night. I wasn’t thinking about the interview, or anything, I just couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe it was too hot? I don’t know, but at one point I had the sheets wound around me like a murder victim being prepared for a river-dumping.

I got up this morning and guzzled many a-cups of good ol’ Eight O’Clock bean coffee, trying to get my system running at full capacity. But I just couldn’t get it together. Plus, my right ear was sealed-off tighter than a Southern Baptist, which didn’t help matters whatsoever.

And I did horribly at the interview. This is the first time I’ve come out of one of those things whispering obscenities, and calling myself hurtful names. I wasn’t really interested in the position, but what if I had been? 

Oh, I was a complete mess in that conference room. I was sputtering and muttering, and jumping from one subject to the next. I was like one of those guys who hang around bus stations wearing knitted caps, and getting into heated arguments with sandwiches.

Near the end I was spewing forth with some kind of nonsense, and was trying to pull up the word “example.” But it wasn’t there. Somehow the word had been temporarily deleted from the database. This caused me to stutter and stammer and sound like a blue-ribbon idiot.

How does a person forget example?! How is that even possible?? Wotta douche.

Oh, well. I guess I’ll just try to be glad it happened in this interview, and not one I was excited about. That’s about the only silver lining to this particular fart cloud I can come up with.

-- On a happier note, I ordered the t-shirts on Saturday. I went with gray shirts and black ink. Something about olive just didn’t sit well with me… It sounded a tad too Abercrombie.

Stay tuned for more information. As always, I’ll keep ‘em reasonably priced. And this time I’ll have every size between SMALL and 3X, that’s six to choose from. 

I might have to install a section of flow-racking in the bunker…

-- I’m listening to Peter Case, whose name always makes me giggle like Beavis and/or Butthead. Almost as much as this guy. Do you know anyone with such a name? If so, we need to know about it. 

-- Since last week’s Entertainment Weekly was a so-called special double issue (even though it was exactly the same size as all the others, and not all that special), I didn’t have anything to take with me to the small room last night. 

So I grabbed Consumer Reports, and read something quite interesting. These are their picks, in order, for best hotdogs:

Hebrew National
Nathan’s Famous
Boar’s Head
Hebrew National reduced fat
Boar’s Head Lite
Ball Park
Sabrett

Everything else falls far short, according to CR. And this has shaken the very foundation of my pudgy world. I love hotdogs, needless to say, and thought I was being quite particular and snobby when choosing a make and model of wiener. But I wasn’t eating any of these brands, not a one.

One of my grandmothers used to shop for hotdogs by price alone; the cheapest is what she always went with. And she brought home some very scary shit. They were usually blood-red, and I’m almost certain I bit into a human toenail once. 

In protest I’ve gone in the exact opposite direction, and usually opt for the most expensive. Without, apparently, zeroing-in on the best. 

I found out, while having a sit-down, that I’ve been living a hotdog lie. Perhaps that’s the reason for my poor performance at the interview this morning? Hey, I just thought of that… Maybe if I call them back and explain it all to them, they’ll understand?

…Hello?

I’ve got some other crapola here, but I’m losing the will to continue. If you have any comments about any of this, feel free to use the handy link below. But I’ll understand if you don’t. Sweet Maria, I’ll certainly understand.

See ya tomorrow.

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Last updated
01/17/12 12:13 PM

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