June 11, 2007

-- I witnessed something amazing over the weekend.

I was sitting on a couch reading the newspaper, and our dog Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) was asleep beside me. All the windows were open and a satisfying breeze was blowing the curtains around. Toney was in the kitchen, and the kids were watching something on Nickelodeon which featured the sphincter-clinching voice of Gilbert Gottfried.

Suddenly Andy sat bolt upright, from a deep sleep, tilted his head back and began manipulating his nostrils like he’d been entered into a nostrils manipulation contest. He took his reading, and went wild. He began barking and snarling and leaping at the front windows. The hell?!

I looked out and saw three squirrels frolicking and bouncing around in the grass. Andy had smelled them! He’d smelled squirrels. And the scent had apparently woken him up! How is that even possible? I find it to be amazing.

-- The Drinking With Surf Reporters extravaganza didn’t happen, for some reason. Three guys were supposed to be passing through Scranton on a motorcycle trip Saturday, and asked me to join them for a few beers. I accepted their invitation, which isn’t like me.

But it didn’t work out. Via email we’d talked about meeting at Jim Dandy’s “after dinner.” They were supposed to get into town around 4:00, and would check into their hotel and get a bite to eat. Then we’d all meet up at the bar.

And I heard nothing. I assumed they’d call my cell phone when they arrived, and we’d hammer out the details. But nobody called. “After dinner” I went to Jim Dandy’s and had a couple of Yuenglings, and nobody was there. It was just me and a guy eating an entire blue plate special at the bar.

I have no proof of this, but I have a feeling I was videotaped or followed or something. The whole episode is like something out of a Harrison Ford movie. And it’s freaking me out, man.

-- Here are the shoes I bought on Friday. I started at Shoe Dept. or Shoe Depot, or whatever that place in the mall is called. I didn’t see a damn thing I wanted. I walked around like an idiot for a half-hour, and found nothing. I was looking at what may or may not be called skater shoes, something I could wear with shorts all summer. But everything was high-hideous. 

So I went to JCPenney, down the way. Toney, who’d been at another store, caught up with me there. I was holding something that seemed semi-OK, but my wife informed me black isn’t suitable for the summer. I don’t know anything about that, and just threw in the towel. Screw it. It was turning out to be far too much work.

Toney suggested Kohl’s, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. We’d have to drive all the way over there and park, and all that crapola. It just seemed like more effort than I was willing to expend.

OK then, she said, let’s at least walk through Sears. And that’s where I bought ‘em. The sign said they were marked down from $70 to $50, and that second number still sounded mighty high. But the shoes were OK, they’re Skechers, and it wouldn’t require any additional anguish.

And when the surly cashier with unhealthy hair scanned the box, it rang up at $39.95. So, there you go. Forty bucks and I’m all set for another year.

Unfortunately, the two printer cartridges I bought moments later cost almost exactly the same amount. And they sure as shit won't last twelve months. Sweet sainted mother of Uncle Willie!

-- Surf Reporter Bill sent me an email this morning, along with one of the greatest pictures ever. Here’s part of his note:

Jeff,

My wife and I went to Coney Island ( Brooklyn ) for the first time this past weekend. In addition to the things we were planning on seeing (Nathan's famous hot dogs, the Cyclone roller coaster, the circus sideshow/freak show) there was something very special that we came across that we wanted to share with you.

You see, there are lots of carnival games throughout the Coney Island park area, with plenty of buskers trying to drum up business for the various booths. However, we came across a game where you were handed a paintball gun, and then were permitted to shoot at a kid that ran around in an alleyway wearing no shirt, and a paintball mask. 

In addition to being the only game at Coney Island with a "live human target" it was also special because there were no prizes to be won in this game. If you played the basketball game, or the ring toss, or whatever, there was generally the enticement of getting a stuffed animal if you won.  But with this game, hitting the kid was its own reward.

I shit you not. The name of this game - "Shoot the Freak."

And here’s the pic. Is that not excellent? I submit that it is.

-- I need to cut this thing short today; I have something Secrets-related I have to tend to. But before I go, there’s an item we must discuss. And that, of course, is last night’s final episode of The Sopranos.

What did you think?

I have a feeling I’m going to be in the minority here, but I thought it was brilliant. The last scene was about as good as it gets; I was on the edge of my seat, my heart pounding, as Tony Soprano ate onion rings.

Plus: Phil “Wave Bye-Bye!” Leotardo got what was coming to him (and a little more). And the conversation with Uncle Junior... And the cat!

I thought it was a great episode, and don’t feel at all cheated. After it was over I turned on Matt Drudge’s radio show, and people were calling in frothing at the mouth with anger about the way the series ended.  

Sorry, but I don’t agree. Did anyone actually believe David Chase, of all people, would tie up all the loose ends? When has he ever done that before? Why would anyone even have such an expectation?

Any opinions on the show? Am I wrong? Use the comments link below.

And I’ll see ya tomorrow.




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Last updated
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