Holy
crap in a Bundt pan...
Due to the
recent well-publicized shortage of
amateur websites produced by assholes who consider themselves to be
clever, I
have been called into action. My name is Jeff Kay, and I’m an
Ugly American living
on the cusp of a mid-life crisis, near Scranton, PA. And I’m here to
serve, baby.
The
View From Down Here A journal of
sorts, updated every once in a while.
--I caught about thirty minutes
of the Republican presidential debate last night on CNN, and there are a
few things I found puzzling.
For instance, why did John McCain have a chaw in his mouth?I’m from West Virginia
and am fairly accustomed to being around people with a mouthful of
chewing tobacco, but during a presidential debate?!Wonder if his spit cup was emblazoned with the stars and stripes?
And was there some kind of catastrophic malfunction of the tanning bed
at Mitt Romney’s house?Sweet
sainted mother of George Hamilton!The
man looked like he’d been exposed to a nuclear blast.And who names their kid after baseball equipment anyway?Does he have a sister named Fungo Bat?…Hello?
I’d never heard of many of the people debating, and consider myself to
be fairly plugged-in when it comes to current events.Who the hell is Senator Bubbleback?I don’t know.And is
Mike Applebees a member of the famous restaurant family?I’m unable to answer the question.I’m not familiar with that Gilmore person either, or Ron Paul,
or Duncan Hunter.
These are men who, like me and Emo Philips, will never be president of
the United States
.
Also, why are they debating in June of 2007?Isn’t that a tad early?Or
was Tad Early one of the candidates?The
whole thing is so confusing…
Larry King looked like he’d died earlier in the day on his way to a
costume party, which he was planning to attend as a 1930s gangster.He was draped in hilarious Edward G. Robinson pinstripes and
balanced on a chair, from which he “interviewed” Giuliani via a
series of low moans and terrifying phlegmy grunts.
Anderson Cooper said something about the “spin room,” and how it’s
full of partisan hacks, “people we try to avoid at all costs.”Then he went to Arianna Huffington for comment, and I almost did an honest-to-God
spit take.
It makes me mildly depressed that the election season is getting started
so early.By the time we’re
allowed to cast an actual vote, I have a feeling I’ll hate them all,
regardless of party or opinion.
Screw it.I’ll probably just
end up writing-in Chef Boyardee again.
--I know this one is brief,
but that’s the way it goes sometimes.The Question of the Day has to do
with the link on the homepage,
which takes you to this pic of a food stand I’ve dubbed Rectum Lunch.What do you think they have on the menu there?
