--Sunshine is plotting another of her marathon visits for the
spring, and this one is already making me go grrrr.
She has this ugly-ass cat, you see, that looks like somebody took a
sledgehammer and smashed its face in. It’s mean as all hell, plus
I’m allergic to those Satanic beasts, as is the youngest Secret.But, of course, she’s insisting on bringing it anyway.
Toney told her no way, but she and Nancy are cut from the same
cloth.Both will keep on and
keep on, and try to wear a person down.It’s
futile to resist!You will
do my bidding!!
Right now she’s in the sarcastic phase, and saying things like,
“Oh, that’s right.I
forgot about Jeff’s fakeallergy.It’s funny how convenient that is…When he doesn’t like something, he’s suddenly allergic to
it.”
What in the hell is she talking about??What else am I allergic to?I’m
not allergic to anything – except cats.Man, that woman knows how to push my buttons…
She also said, “Why can’t he just take a pill, like a normal
person?”Yes, that’s her
answer to every question.
She’s treading on thin ice again.Back
during the Californiadays I’d finally had enough
of her mouth, and told her all about it.She yelled, like something out of a movie, “You’ve just
declared war on me, mister!” and stormed out of the house.And she and Toney didn’t talk for almost a year.
Whatever I said to her that day (which was plenty), she had coming
and more.Yet, I ended up
feeling guilty about it afterwards.Oh,
Toney didn’t make me feel guilty, I managed it all on my own.And so it goes.
But in a week or two she’ll transition into the victim phase of
the campaign, and start moaning about how her kids don’t love her,
and won’t make even the tiniest sacrifice for her.It’s as predictable as a post-Starbucks blowout.So there’s not much more of the sarcasm I’ll have to
endure.
Over the weekend Sunny came up with a so-called solution to the
problem, and said Mumbles could install a door on the family
room(!?), and they’d just keep it closed all the time.It’s so hilarious, all I can do is laugh.
So let’s see…She wants
to come in here, stay with us for a month and a half (without
asking, mind you), bring a cat against our wishes, do a little light
construction, and take over the entire
bottom half of our house – including the Big Ass Television and
Surf Report bunker.And
we’re the ones being unreasonable!
But here’s the punch line to the whole thing…Toney asked Sunny why she didn’t just have [Toney’s
brother] watch the beast while they were traveling.He lives nearby, and it wouldn’t require too much
maintenance.And Sunshine
said (get this!), “Well, don’t you think that would be asking an
awful lot?!”
Is that a classic, or what?
Toney talked to Nancy about it yesterday, and she’s on
Sunshine’s side.She
said, “I
don’t see what the big deal is.I
don’t even know what Jeff does in that room.Doesn’t he have a laptop?I’m
sure it wouldn’t kill him to give up his precious toys for a few
weeks.”As I said before, grrrr.
--Speaking of Nancy, she and Nossy are back to
weekly sessions with their relocation therapist.
They pay some woman $75 an hour to help them cope with their
semi-recent move from North Carolinato
Canada.They thought they could go it alone, and stopped the meetings
for a few weeks, but now they’re back to it.Because they’re not yet “healed.”
They’re now considering home-schooling their kids.The see-throughs are reportedly having a tough time of it as
well, and Nancymight take over their education full-time.Apparently the so-called therapist signed off on this
scheme…
When they lived in North Carolina their kids went to some hippie
school where the students sat on couches, and there were
conversations like this:
Teacher:Translucent, can you
tell me how to spell cat?
Translucent:L?
Teacher:That’s a marvelous
try!Wasn’t that a
wonderful try, everyone?!Good
work, Translucent!!
It’s shocking, I know, but they’re having a little trouble
adjusting to a regular school.So
Eninen are thinking about yanking them out.Good stuff.
--I’m going to leave you
now with something I’m going to have to word very carefully. I
don't want to seem uncaring... ahem.
Back when I was a paperboy (aka newspaper carrier) we used to have a
ritual among the carriers, called The Obituary of the Day.When the papers would arrive every afternoon, we’d scan the
death notices and pick the funniest one.My all-time favorite was the death of a woman named Frostie
Box.
Anyway, I had an Obituary of the Day flashback on Sunday.There was a death notice in the newspaper for a woman almost
exactly the same age as me, and the first paragraph made me laugh
out loud.
There was a picture included, and the woman’s face nearly filled
the entire frame.There was
just a little light in the four corners, but other than that –
flesh.And it said, “[The
woman’s name] died Thursday while aboard the Carnival Cruise ship
“Freedom.”
Now, I don’t want to make light of the situation, the poor woman
was only 45 years old.But
what do you think happened? A buffet accident? Perhaps she went over
the railing?So
many scenarios playing out in my head….
If you have any ideas, please use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.It’s
kinda chaotic around the Compound today, and I’m not completely
satisfied with this update.But
I’ll try it again next time.
