--I keep seeing a Cheerios TV commercial featuring ugly people.It’s an ugly “husband” eating cereal, and an ugly
“wife” sitting there acting all superior to the buffoon seated
across from her.You know,
the standard template: the man as the hopeless dipshit, and the
woman acting all smug and exasperated about it.
But I’m already getting off-track…Every time I see this thing I wonder how those two got into
acting.Is there such a thing
as an ugly niche in the industry?I
simply don’t know.
But I do know you’d have to have a pair the size of the Carolinas to look like that,
and pursue a career in acting.It
would be like a person with one medically-prescribed Herman Munstershoe refusing to give up on
his dream of someday joining the touring cast of Riverdance.
So, I actually kind of admire them.It’s
an inspiring story for a man of my personal attributes, to see these
folks getting work in an industry known for its superficiality, and
obsession with perfection and beauty.
I know that if a man who looks like a human hamster collecting
acorns for the winter can land a national TV spot, anything’s
possible.And the same goes
for a woman with a face so large and pasty a group of people could
sit around it and play cards in the late afternoon.
So, while I appreciate the accomplishments of my fellow
unfortunates, I’m still kind of surprised.And I turn to you for closure.
Are there more ugly people working in Hollywoodthan I realize?Is this nothing out of the ordinary?Help me out, won’t you?I’m
sitting here trying to come up with a list of unsightly actors and
actresses, but get stuck after Steve Buscemi, and the entire male
cast of The
Sopranos.
But I’m operating on massive sleep-deprivation today, and know I
must be missing a few.Can
you fill in the ugly-blanks for me?Use
the comments link below.And
I’m much obliged for your assistance in this important matter.
--When I got home from work
last Wednesday night/Thursday morning, I ordered this camera
through
Amazon.And the freakin’
package arrived on Friday!I
couldn’t believe how fast it got here.
That’s the good news…The
bad news is that I also ordered a 2GB memory card for it, and the
damn thing hasn’t even shipped yet.So I’ve got new gadgetry here, and can’t really even play
around with it.It’s highly
frustrating.I feel like a
man with no arms sitting in a porn theater.
But boy, do I love the gadgets.I’ve
said it before, and I’m gonna say it again:somebody needs to market a perfume called New Electronics.If a company began offering a scent that made women smell
like a new straight-out-of-the-box computer (or whatever), I have no
doubt we’d have a second Baby Boom on our hands.Am I wrong?
There’s an old song by Steve Forbert called “Born Too Late,”
which I’ve always liked.Sometimes,
depending on my mood, I think the lyrics were written especially for
me:“And everything you
love is gone, ...everything you know is wrong.”
I often feel more comfortable with products of the past, and have a
problem with the current crapola.I
love old movies, and can’t stand 99% of the new ones.TV makes me crazy, so I barricade myself inside the bunker
and listen to old episodes of the Jack Benny radio show, Jean
Shepherd, or Suspense
from 1948.It’s not unusual
to find me careening down the interstate with a Glenn Miller or a
Duke Ellington CD blasting.
Was I born too late?Sometime
I think so.But then I
remember the gadgets, the beautiful gadgets…And a flaw in my thesis is revealed.So who the hell knows?
But do you ever feel like you should’ve been alive in a different
era?Are Steve Forbert and I
the only ones? Tell me it ain't so.
--I hope it’s not too
obvious, but I’m still struggling here, my friends.I wasn’t able to write yesterday, and today I feel like a
man determined not to be defeated by an advanced case of painful
brickhouse constipation.
Yeah, I finally squeezed something out, but God knows it wasn’t
easy.In fact, there might be
some light bleeding.
Here’s the schedule for the rest of the week…
Thursday: normal update
Friday: an update for Surf Report VIPs only
Weekend:sleep and an
extracurricular writing project
Today:I’m going to stop
right here, iron a shirt, get ready for work, and maybe have a quick
lunch at the Waffle House high bar.I
have a powerful hankering for a BLT and chili, and a powerful
hankering should not be denied.
Don’t forget to help me out with the Hollywood uglies.
