--I might have to change the name of this website to 81
Adventures.Yesterday I
wrote about driving to work (on I-81), and seeing a guy blooping a
beer while passing me on the right.And on Monday something else happened, beyond the normal
chain-cursing and Thin Lizzy singalongs.
I hate 81, it's an infuriating stretch of highway.It's always loaded-up with tractor trailers, and people going
at radically different speeds.And
I've encountered more "wide loads" on that road, than
anywhere else I've ever been (outside the Kanawha Mall, of course).Call me old fashioned, but I don't think the interstate is a
proper place for a log cabin, or a three-story high tube of hay.
On Monday, however, it seemed to be moving along nicely for once.And when Toney called my cell phone, I slid over to the slow
lane and we talked for a little while.Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one, but I try to be
considerate...
Everything was going as planned, until the guy in front of me
suddenly whipped to the left (without even the slightest hint of
brake lights) and went around a car moving at roughly 40 mph.And that's not an exaggeration.Before my brain could fully process what was happening, I
found myself hurtling toward an automobile that was, for all intents
and purposes, STOPPED in the right lane of the interstate.
In a panic I checked my mirrors, confirmed that it was semi-clear
(whew!), and maneuvered around the problem as well.And as I passed I saw there were two people inside the car, a
man and a woman, with an estimated combined age of 230.
I have no proof of this, but I suspect the driver had died a couple
of exits back, and the car was now coasting.But I didn't want to take any chances, so I hollered a bunch
of profanity at them anyway.And
both were staring straight ahead like American Gothic, completely
oblivious to what was going on around them.
I eased back into the slow lane, when a guy in an old beat-to-hell
Chevy truck pulled up beside me.I looked over and his vehicle was bouncing from side to side.TF??I was still
on the phone with Toney, but I'd stopped talking and she was saying,
"Hello? ...Hello?"
It didn't take long to realize the dude was fully enraged.He was pointing his right finger at me, poking it in my
direction, and screaming like a mental patient through a twisted and
contorted mask of anger.
What the hell, man?!Had
I cut him off?I didn't
think so, but everything had happened so fast…
Usually in these kinds of situations I fly off the handle and start
yelling right back at the person.But something inside my head told me I'd better play it cool
with this character.This
was like the opening sequence of one of those made-for-HBO movies,
starring Meat Loaf.
If I'd flipped him the bird, like my instincts told me to do, I have
no doubt there would've been some
kind of physical
altercation.And I can't
have that.So I gave him
no reaction, and turned forward again.He rode beside me for a few more seconds, then took off
barreling up the road, his motor shaking the earth.
Holy shitknuckles…I
was just glad he didn't fall in behind me, and start ramming my
bumper.Or follow me to
my job, or something.'Cause
he looked like he was capable of either, or both.
A few miles later I noticed his truck, several car lengths ahead of
me, exiting the highway.And
as he rolled down the parallel exit ramp, and I caught up with him,
I saw his face pressed up against his driver-side window, still
screaming and spitting venom.And
both of his middle fingers were gyrating in large overlapping loops,
for my benefit.
I have no idea how the guy was steering his truck.Is it possible to control a vehicle using nothing but the
power of crazy?I simply
don’t know.
--What’s the most
memorable road rage incident you’ve ever been involved in, or
witnessed?Use the
comments link to tell us about it, won’t you?
I saw a guy get out of a car once, in front of Sears Automotive in Charleston,
WV, and start beating the hood of
a person’s car with a baseball bat.Good times.
And when I lived in AtlantaI drove up to an intersection
in a residential area one day, stopped at the stop sign, and
proceeded as another car came from a different direction and ran the
stop sign.I slammed on
my brakes, and so did he, but I was furious; that kind of shit just
makes me insane.
Then he waved me on, in a theatrical, exasperated manner.Like I
was inconveniencing him.No way this douche was ordering me around, so I motioned for
him to go instead -- since he was in such a goddamn hurry.
But he wouldn’t go, and neither would I.Eventually we had our windows down, hollering at each other.Go, you
gaping asshole!No, you go,
fudge-packer!!Finally, to prove my seriousness, I slammed my car into park.And the guy threw his hands up, and sped away.
I guess I showed him?
Generally speaking, I don’t like when people motion for me to go
at stop signs.I don’t
take orders from self-appointed intersection czars, and this has led
to several minor
incidents through the years.I realize many people are just trying to be nice, but it
still rubs me the wrong way.Ya
know?It’s
like they’re presuming to have authority over me.Am I alone in these beliefs?
In any case, use our handy comments link below to tell us your favorite
road rage stories.I
have no doubt everybody has a few, so let’s hear ‘em.
