--I was driving to work yesterday afternoon, cruising in the
left lane of I-81 at roughly 80 mph, when I was passed on the right
by a man driving a filthy piece of shit Dodge Omni (or somesuch)
with about twenty pounds of fishing tackle hanging off the rear view
mirror, blurry windows, and fenders waving in the breeze.
And as the dude shuddered past, he hoisted a can of Coors Light and
proceeded to take a long swig through an opening in the middle of a bushy
unkempt beard, a style of facial hair I believe is sometimes known
as "The Crazy Fucker.”
I was mildly shocked.I
don’t really notice that kind of thing anymore…When we lived in Atlanta, it wasn’t uncommon to see
people driving and drinking a cold adult beverage.In fact, convenience stores promoted it with impunity.
All of them had barrels up near their cash register which they’d
fill with ice and various tall boys, right around quittin’ time.And as soon as folks got off work, they’d make a beeline
for those things.It
seemed like the whole world was driving with one hand, and holding
an open container with the other.
One of the Big Shots at my old job stopped at a store near our
office – every
single day – and bought a
Budweiser the size of a fire extinguisher, and drank it while
commuting to his fashionable white-flight neighborhood way the hell
out in the suburbs.So
it wasn’t just the blue-collar folks, it was all types…
I don’t know if this was because it was Georgia, or because it was 1994.Anybody know the answer to that one?
In any case, I was taken aback by this guy and his Silver Bullet
yesterday, and found myself backing-off my speed and putting
distance between the two of us.And ten years ago I probably wouldn’t have even thought
twice about it.
A similar thing happened in a diner recently.It’s a small little joint, with so-called smoking and
no-smoking sections.But,
of course, the moment someone fires up a cig, the whole
place becomes a smoking
section.Toney won’t
go in there, because of all the visible exhale.I don’t especially enjoy it, but their club sandwiches are
just so damn tasty…
So I was sitting at their counter the other day, when I looked up
and saw my waitress absent-mindedly filling salt and pepper shakers
-- with a cigarette like a #2 pencil dancing and dangling off her
lips.
In 1985 this wouldn’t have even registered on my radar.But today you don’t see many people smoking indoors,
especially employees on the clock.I almost put my eye out with the jagged edge of a Ruffles.
I watched as the ash on her cigarette grew longer and longer, and
fully expected it to fall into a pepper shaker.But she finally knocked it into an ashtray – which is
another thing that seems to be a relic from a different era.
What else was common a few years ago, but makes you do a double-take
today?You know, like
little kids sleeping in the back window of a car…And remember when Long John Silver’s, a
fast food joint, served
beer?How bizarre is
that?
Help me out with this one, folks.Use the comments link below.
--And speaking of beer… I haven’t had one in weeks.I felt like it was making me lazy, and hindering my ability
to get things done.So
I’m under a temporary(?) hops and barley moratorium.So far it’s been shockingly easy.
Oh, I felt a twinge of desire on Saturday night, for an outsize
vessel of the golden elixir, but it soon passed.Other than that, it’s barely even crossed my mind.
The problem is going to be England.I’ve always dreamt of downing a few pints in an
honest-to-God British pub, someplace where Charles Dickens once
drank, or whatever.But
if I’m still on the wagon at the end of March, will I want to
break my streak and risk possibly sliding back into half or even
quarter-assery?
Yes, it could be a real dilemma.I’ve been accomplishing quite a lot these past few weeks,
and I’ll have a decision to make.A functioning alcoholic’s work is never done…
Of course, with Nancy and the Gang scheduled to be here this coming
weekend, the whole thing could come crashing down in just a matter
of days.And Englandwill be a slam-dunk.
Stay tuned.
--Since we’re
talking about drinking in Britain…Surf Reporter Jeff sent me this link yesterday, to an article
which, he said, features one of our favorite phrases.When I read the headline, I expected it to be “bed-shitting
drunk,” but I was wrong.Can
you spot it?And do any
of you know a good lawyer who specializes in international copyright
law? Sweet sainted mother of Mr. Funnelpants!
--All of the Smoking
Fish caps were mailed on Friday (except for the three new orders
received), and they should be arriving at your place any minute now.
I appreciate your patience in the long, dragged-out ordeal.If any of you want one of these
beauties, I’ve still got a
couple dozen extras, so order away, dammit.And I promise not to make you wait too long.
And I’m going to stop right here.You guys have yourselves a simply
marvelous Monday, and I’ll
see you on Tuesday.
