In Defense of Soccer (aka NASCAR sucks)

I just wanted to preface this piece by stating that I’m not wearing any underwear.

There is a reason that soccer is the number 1 sport virtually EVERYWHERE except in the U.S. It’s not that the rest of the world is stupid, as President Bush would have you believe, but rather an appreciation of the skill required to play the game. Playing soccer can make you look really stupid, really fast, believe me I’ve tried. I know it doesn’t look all that complicated to play, but to play it well takes tons of talent. Plus, it encourages kids to participate by not requiring unrealistic physical attributes. Well, sure, you should have legs and a head, and those should be connected in some manner, but that’s about it. No steroids required.

True, there are not many high scoring soccer games. Most games end 2-1, 1-0 or even 0-0. But, what is not reflected in the final score is the number of scoring chances or saves made by the goalie. Yes, a 2-0 lead is usually insurmountable, and would be equivalent to a 21-0 lead in football. Last fall I attended a WVU v. Florida St. women’s soccer game (NCAA tournament, sweet 16) and the WVU team fell behind 2-0, struggled to tie the game, but ended up losing on a FSU shot with a few seconds left. Hella lot better than anything the WVU football or basketball team has served up in the past few years. A tie score (which gives each team 1 point in the standings) is often looked as a victory for teams that come into a game as heavy underdogs.

What is the best thing about viewing soccer on TV? No commercials. That’s right, no wasting half your fucking day. And the action is continuous; much like basketball would be if there were no timeouts. Two 45 minute periods and one 15 minute half. That’s it.

I don’t like the word soccer, though. The sport is correctly called “football” everywhere else for a reason; whereas US football isn’t really about the feet, you know? And the soccer field is 100 meters in length, not 100 yards like in US football, which again makes more sense since soccer isn’t using a measurement system based upon the length of a king’s dick or foot or something.

Will soccer ever be the number one sport in the US? Not until the TV networks figure out how to make money off of it.

I admit a few years ago I didn’t understand what the hell was going on with the increasing interest in soccer in this country. So I gave the sport a chance and now I follow it (English Premier League, World Cup) more than any other sport. I still can’t stand US professional soccer, the skill level isn’t there and if a US player is worth a shit they end up going to Europe. I did follow the women’s league before it folded due to lack of sponsorship, but I admit I was watching more for the “I like to watch chicks run and get sweaty” factor than anything else.

By far the more puzzling aspect in US sports has been the growth of NASCAR. It just proves that with a little marketing any piece of crap can be successful, i.e. Justin Timberlake, Kid Rock, etc. Not that there’s anything wrong with NASCAR……... and not that Justin could actually drive in NASCAR……..around………and around……….. and around……..and around………and around……….and around ……….and around………..(yawn) ……and around a track. No, it takes a lot of skill to do that.

Write Rocky at rocky26501@yahoo.com