March 26, 2004

I've been sitting at work all day with what appears to be a piss stain on the crotch of my pants.  As I was getting out of my car earlier this morning, I dropped my chocolate milk.  It went everywhere, including in the car door speaker.  Mmmm, can't wait till that smell sits in.  I think I must've been sleepy because there wasn't really a reason I dropped the cup other than I just let up my grip.  I should really stop taking those Tylenol PM's at night.  They're fucking me up, man.  

At any rate, my best friend Alex came in this weekend for a visit.  We started talking about our college days in Morgantown and it occurred to me that everything seems to blur together now...almost as if it happened in one night.  Take for example, the time we went to this bar called the Stone Pony.  We were all underage and drinking.  By the night was halfway finished we were plowed.  I went into the bathroom for one more pit stop but I apparently slammed the stall
door too hard and the entire pink formation collapsed. Looking back about all I remember is standing there watching the thing collapse like a set of dominos.  I don't remember feeling embarrassed, which I probably should've been.  We just ran out of the bathroom, laughing.  I wonder if they fixed it then or waited until the next morning and just let the girls use the men's bathroom.

Jeff mentioned earlier this week that the Governor is upset over a T-shirt being sold by Abercrombie & Fitch.  I don't see the big deal.  Everyone already thinks we're a bunch of moonshine-swiggling pig-fuckers anyway, what's a new T-shirt going to do?? Worst case scenario it could only further enforce the stereo-types.  

I have to admit to the few of you who do actually read my column and rip me on the forum that I am, indeed, obsessed with bodily fluids and functions.  I think farting is hilarious at all times.  In fact, this was a major event at my high school graduation party. Amongst my friends, my dad and two uncles busted out the lighter and began lighting their farts.  I have to admit I was slightly embarrassed but even more amused. It was the first time I had seen a group of grown men actually ignite their gases.  This also could help explain why as some of you have mentioned that I chose to date a man-child.  If you're not having fun, what is the point of life??  And with that, I will bore you no longer, as usual, feel free to comment or criticize at randiwvu@yahoo.com or continue to discuss me in the forum.  I'm intrigued!


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