February 13, 2004

Have I mentioned that I love weekends??  Well, I do. And each and every Friday I get so excited about what the coming weekend holds in store that I almost pee my pants.  Okay, not really but I do get kinda excited. This past weekend was particularly interesting.  My best friend from high school, Alex, and her younger sister, Jasmine, came to the great Capitol City for a visit.  Jasmine is 19 years-old and Alex is 24. Fortunately, Jasmine has a fake ID and we were able to frequent a number of bars.  Before the two even arrived at my apartment, I warned my 'Pimpin' brother to stay away from this fresh meat as it'd just make things awkward.  I was sure he'd obey because he didn't even go out with us either night.  Well, we returned Saturday night to a rockin' after-party in our apartment.  As usual, my brother was there and apparently thought he wasn't drunk enough with just beer and started taking shots.  Being the old person that I am, I fell asleep at just after 3 a.m.  I awoke at around 9 a.m. and found a condom wrapper in the trash can.  I knew this wasn't mine because Adam and I know better than to do that with a house full of
people.  I knew it wasn't Alex's...there were only three guys in the apartment, Adam, my brother, and Roger, Jasmine's friend from college, none of whom Alex would even remotely consider sleeping with.  I peeked into my brother's room and there was Jasmine sleeping by his side.  I was completely grossed out, not only by the fact that my brother was having sex but also that he uses a brand of condom called Bare Back.  Can you get any grosser?!?  When they finally woke up, Jasmine acted a little embarrassed while my brother had the biggest grin I'd ever seen.  It was absolutely disgusting.  The worst part was that Jasmine, asked before she left, if she should leave her toothbrush in the bathroom.  Ummm, NO!!  You will not be making frequent fuck visits to my brother. Your sister is my best friend and I refuse to let this infringe upon our happy, little world. 

These things are normal in my realm of a weekend.  I thought I had outgrown these college-like antics but it seems that since my brother has moved in, I've slipped back into my college days.  I cannot express how tired I am of cleaning up a coffee-stained counter, sprinkled with sugar and drops of milk.  The smell of stale smoke lingers in my brother's upstairs bedroom because apparently he thinks neither Adam nor I have a sense of smell and aren't smart enough to
figure that he's smoking in his room and not outside as previously agreed upon.  I thought it was tough living with him as a kid but this is proving to be way worse. 

Not all things are bad though.  It is nice to have someone to reminisce with.  It's even funnier when we recount the days when he used to flush his underwear down the toilet after he shit himself.  I can't count the number of times my dad had to hire a plumber to snake out the drain.  Each time he would pull that long, hose-like tube out of the drain he'd have at least 3 shit-stained pairs of Under-Roos on the end of it.  These are things my brother readily admits to now that he's a grown-up.  He also enjoys recounting the days of teeball.  He was terrible and often played outfield but was so shy that he refused to tell anyone when he had to go to the bathroom.  When the other kids were running into the weeds to do their business, my brother simply stood there and shit or pissed himself.  Ahh, the long lost days of childhood.  Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and just for the fun of it, play a little hide and seek or dodgeball!!


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