February 6, 2004

So, I'm talking to my friend the other day and she starts telling me that she just bought some low-carb pasta.  Good deal. I can see the sense in that but she follows that up with, "I also bought some low-carb sauce for it."  What the fuck?!?  And I thought I was one to get sucked into the advertising trap.  I asked why and she said it has less sugar than the regular stuff.  How much sugar can regular spaghetti sauce really have?!?  But then she proceeds to say that according to Dr. Atkins, you're only allowed to have 25 grams of sugar a day.  Holy hell, there's 22 grams in just two of my daily Tootsie Rolls.  Apparently, I'd be a disgrace to Dr. Atkins.   I find it hilarious that so many people are jumping on this bandwagon. Whatever happened to just attempting to eat healthy?!? Instead, people are ravaging store shelves to find the latest Atkins product or something recommended in the South Beach diet.  I'm not knocking the success of these diets but, really, how much of a success can you be when you're shoving yourself full of a bacon cheeseburger with no bun!!  Fast food is fast food, I don't care if you wrap your fat burger in a piece of lettuce or a bun.

In the meantime, I've decided that I'm now at the threshold of a quarterlife crisis.  They actually have a website dedicated to it.  It's here. Problem is, to me it's a bunch of twenty-somethings whining about not making $100-grand a year.  Yeah, I wish I made $30-grand a year and still got money from my parents... which brings me to another topic.  Do employers nowadays expect your parents to help support you??  That seems to be the consensus in my company.  Apparently, because my mom is a doctor and my dad is a nurse, it's okay for me to make under $20-thousand a year.  When I complain about not having money that's the reply, "Well you're mom is a doctor."  Uh, yeah she is but I have five younger brothers, one who is a sophomore at MIT.  Take that!!

Speaking of which, my 21 year-old brother has officially been living with me and my boyfriend for 6 months.  He's quite the delinquent but truly has a good heart.  Besides, it amuses me to see him in the bars, bouncing up and down the aisle 'Pimpin' on ho's.'  Seriously, that's what he says.  I guess he thinks the Italian in him warrants him to act like he's black.  We tease him because he wears clothes with brand names like 'Playaz' and 'FUBU.'  For those of you who don't know, FUBU stands for For Us By Us, Us being the black folk.

Now onto my grandmother.  Apparently because I'm a 25 year-old female, she thinks I should be married already.  And rather than coming out and saying just that, she tiptoes around the subject and says, "So and so was asking me when Randi's getting married and I just tell them your guess is as good as mine."  So is mine, dipshit.  Of course, right now I'm in no hurry to get married but my grandma is still stuck in the age when it was inappropriate to live with your significant other before you're married.  She tells me that I put my cart before my horse and that when I finally do get married her friend won't be able to buy me anything because I will already have it.  What?!? I didn't realize I owned every worldly item simply because I'm living with my boyfriend.  I told her they could just give me money and this sent her into a rage.  "You can't ask people for that."  Well, then tell them they can shit in a bag and give that to me. What the hell does she want me to say?!?  I miss my old Italian grandma who lived by the simple philosophy, "Tell them to go fuck themselves." 

Tune in for more tales from true life next week!!

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