May 21, 2004

I am happy to report that in just one day I will be off to Myrtle Beach.  I tell you, I've been looking forward to this vacation for what seems like an eternity...four of my girl friends, all the alcohol we can drink and a nice stretch of beach.  It's bound to be a good time. 

In preparation for this trip, I've been hitting the local tanning bed.  I thought I had a nice bronzed color until I went to the school the other day.  A girl said to me, "You look like those little people in the Chocolate Factory."  I couldn't even begin to think of what she was saying, so I laughed and said, "What?"  She says, "You know, with the green hair." Okay, so she was telling me I look like an Ooompa
Loompa.   I still couldn't figure out why though. Obviously she was insulting me but I couldn't figure out if she was telling me I was short and fat or that I looked orange.  She later told me I looked orange. Nice, huh.  About an hour later, she walked up and said, "You look like you just got out of the shower. Why's your hair all a mess and stuff?"  I wanted to punch her!!  These damn kids need to have some
respect.

Speaking of kids, I'm sure you've all heard by now that Gwyneth Paltrow has named her first born Apple. What's that about??  How in the hell do you come up with a name like that...is it a tribute to Steve Jobs or her favorite fruit??  I think I'll name my first child Grape, my second Strawberry, and my third Banana.  Then we can have a little fruit salad.  It reminds me of the woman in Where the Heart Is...the one who names her kids after her favorite snack foods, Brownie, Twinkie and Praline. 

I met a guy the other night who actually told me his name was Hershey.  Yeah, I believe that...you're a black man named Hershey.  I asked why the hell his mom would pick such a name and he says it's because she likes chocolate.  Hmmm, I doubt it.  All the innuendos
were a little much for me and I made a beeline for the bathroom.   

Well folks, I'm off for a week of fun in the sun.  If all goes well, I'll have plenty of drunken stories for when I get back.  Take care and as usual, feel free to e-mail at randiwvu@yahoo.com


                              <<previous next>>

                                    
                 The West Virginia Surf Report!