May 7, 2004

What a weekend!  I'm still shaking my head at the thought of it.  It all seems like one big dream or nightmare, depending upon which way you look at it. It was two days full of tits, asses, and guns.

Asses

Now that the warm weather is upon us my friends and I enjoy drinking some icy cold margaritas at the local Chili's.  It's great fun, especially if you sit out on the patio and watch all the delinquents go by.  This weekend we got a special treat.  We were all just sitting there talking when this kid, I'd say he was about 16 years-old, attempts to jump the railing in front of us.  As most delinquents around here wear, the kid had on those baggy, crotch saggin' pants. His crotch was hanging so low, it got caught on the top rail and he fell over it.  The entire patio applauded his fall.  It was hilarious but the best was yet to come.  He picked himself off the ground and walked over near our table.  He says and I quote, "Shut up, you bitch-ass niggaz.  Y'all can go fuck yourself." At that point we all merely laughed harder and he continued down the row of tables, yelling "bitch-ass  niggaz."  It was at about this time that the managers called the police and the kids were sent scrambling across the street.

Titties

Next it was off to the titty bar.  Yes, I'll occasionally go the strip bars with my friends.  I was surprised to learn this weekend though that there has to be one guy for every girl who wants to go in.

A stupid rule in my opinion but at any rate we were able to gather up the guys and get in.  It was an okay time but I kinda of got sick of seeing tits and asses in my face.  I was surprised that I actually sat in the front row with one of my girlfriends.  Those margaritas had done me well.

Unfortunately the next day I had to go the Red Lobster with my grandma for her early Mother's Day celebration.  It seems like everyday that I'm hung over she wants to go out to lunch.  And there's just something about sitting across the table talking to your grandmother just a few hours after you were shoving dollars bills down a stripper's G-string.

Guns

The next night, however, is one that will be etched in my mind forever.  We went to see this local band, Guinness Clarke's Wine, at the Empty Glass bar.  You can check out the band here.

As usual I was getting nice and drunk and talking with my friends.  I heard a bunch of yelling but didn't think it was unusual for a bar.  All of a sudden everyone hit the ground, my friend dragged me under the table with her but I stood back up.  There were three younger black guys pointing guns.  Two had jackets on with their hoods pulled up, another was just wearing a hat with one of those doo-rags underneath it.  They demanded money from the bartender.  One hopped over the bar to grab it and then they were gone.  It didn't even seem real and was almost funny to me.  I found out on Monday that we were robbed by 2 15 year-olds and a 13 year-old. My friend later said, "Those boys must've had some big ole balls."  Balls, indeed.  Who the hell robs a crowded bar on a Saturday night?!?  Now my friends and I feel like giant pussies for not doing anything.  I guess the guns were a little bit scary but we were later told they were only pellet guns.  Go figure!! The police caught up with the kids about an hour later in a taxi cab and now they're being held in some juvenile detention center in Boone County. 

I'm still looking forward to this weekend but somehow I doubt it could ever be near as exciting.  Well, I'm out to try to recreate some of that fun.  Feel free to comment at randiwvu@yahoo.com

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