April 23, 2004

I have to admit, this week has been one annoying trip through my own personal hell.  As if dealing with a potential break-up isn't enough, I have my grandmother breathing down my neck about a damn wedding dress. It's difficult to explain to an 80 year-old woman that you may not need the dress after all because you and your significant other have hit the proverbial 'bump in the road.'  Apparently this isn't how things worked back in the 1800's or whenever the hell she was born. According to her it doesn't much matter what I want as long as boyfriend loves ME. 

At any rate, this thinking has led her to dig my mother's wedding dress out of the closet.  It's a wedding dress I have spent most of my life hating.  In fact, I look back on my parents' wedding pictures, an array of puke green, shit brown, and that diahrea yellow, and can't imagine what either of them were thinking.  My father now readily admits that it was an ugly wedding but in my grandmother's eyes it remains beautiful.  My great-aunt handmade my mom's dress. It's a nice gesture, I admit, but still an ugly dress. It has minimal beading around the neckline and arms but that's it.  Other than that, it looks like a white bed sheet...well, now it looks like a yellowed bed sheet.  Anyway, to appease her, I tried it on and amazingly enough it almost fit.  She was so happy I thought she may throw out a compliment but instead she suggested that we could cut the arms off if I didn't want long sleeves but she didn't think that'd be a good idea since my arms are still too fat.

This is a woman who told my friend, who we have both known since Kari and I were three years-old, that she was surprised to hear she had a boyfriend.  She told her that it didn't matter because she'd be on to the next boyfriend within a week.  For some reason, she has this idea that Kari is a whore etched in her mind. I think Kari may be the furthest thing from a whore. She's the one of my friends who's had a steady boyfriend for more than a year at a time. 

I try to read the Wolf Files on ABC News at least once a week but I was really surprised by what I read this week.  The new 'reports' are released every Tuesday. And this Tuesday was 4-20 otherwise known as the worldwide time to smoke marijuana.  Whether this was intentional or not I don't know but I found it relatively funny that this week's article centered on hemp.  I guess I'm easily amused.

As is usual now, I went out in the great city of Charleston this weekend and we ended up at my favorite meat market, Banana Joes.  It's always fun to go there even if it's just to see the riff-raff.  I was standing at the bar with my friend when a guy all of a sudden comes up to me and starts sucking on my ear. Eww!!  My friend thought I knew him so she didn't say anything.  I DID NOT know him and was completely grossed out.  When I pulled away he told me I was breath-taking.  When did it become acceptable for strange men to chew on a girl's ear in public??  I was disgusted but remained polite and told him I was there with my girlfriend and she was about to get pissed...she doesn't like switch-hitting.  I'm not a lesbian but this line always seems to work on guys around here much better than the, 'I have a boyfriend or go away' standards. 

Unfortunately I missed the Sopranos this week.  The satellite went out and I had to resort to reading the episode guide on HBO.com.  It sucks!!  At any rate, for those of you wanna be mobsters
here's a website where you can generate your very own mobster name.  Mine came out to be Fancy Pants.  Whatever that means.  My friend got a cool one, the Bishop.  I'm so jealous.

And here's another horrifying random site dedicated to Fan Pants. What a great idea, now if only they could come with a built in toilet.  On that note, I'm off for the weekend.  Have a good one and as always comments and criticism will be appreciated at randiwvu@yahoo.com


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