January 30, 2004

Well first off, I'm new to this so I'll start off by introducing myself.  My name is Randi and I'm a 25 year-old living in the 'wonderful' city of Charleston. Notice that I use that term loosely.  I'm such a big fan of the city and it's newly implemented 'user fee.' I drove to work this morning at 4 a.m. and suddenly it crossed my mind as I was sliding through the downtown streets.  "Where the hell are all the salt trucks?"  Supposedly, I and everyone else pay this $1 a week fee to help with the upkeep of the streets. Not one street was clear.  What's up with that?

And while I'm on my soap-box, let's talk about my grandma.  The poor dear turned 82 years-old this weekend and as usual for her birthday, she wanted to go to the racetrack.  It's funny because she's not
your run-of-the-mill gambling grandma.  This is a woman who doesn't cuss and hates anything vulgar.  She goes to church EVERY Sunday and for the most part is a model Presbyterian.  At any rate, my uncle and I do our familial duties and escort her to the track.  It's not long before I find myself down the $20 I allotted myself.  So, I decide to go sit next to my grandma and simply watch her gamble.  Apparently this is not an option with the old woman as she continually shoves
quarters into my hand and the machine in front of me. I finally succumbed to the pressure and injected a $20 of my own and soon enough I started winning.  In the end, I was only $10 down...not bad considering the $40 I thought I had lost.  Plus, my boyfriend won $180 on the quarter grandma had given him to play.  

That's a fair trade considering the comments she made to him earlier in the day.  We were talking about how alike our baby pictures are and she looked at him and smiled and said, "I bet you were a cute, fat little rascal."  The key word there being fat.  In my mind, you simply don't call a 'fat' person fat to their face.  My boyfriend and I both can stand to lose a little weight.  In fact, I've even gone as far as having the bariatric surgery, the same surgery Carnie Wilson and Al Roker had.  So far I've lost 90 lbs but my grandma still enjoys telling me how fat I am and has even started insulting my boyfriend, who we'll call Adam.  Saturday she patted my belly and said, "You know, you still have that tummy."  Well, no shit...seeing as how you're my relative and you too are fat.  Now every time she sees Adam, she pats his belly and asks when he's going to start losing like me.  The best part is that she's one of those grandmas who shoves you full of food.  Nothing is ever enough and the food just keeps coming.  Saturday she scooped up a bite of cake and started swirling it to Adam's face, urging him to just take a bite.  He kept refusing and fortunately she dropped it.  Had she not, I fear what would've happened next.  Well, that's all for now...until next time, have a splendid day!

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