July 21, 2004

How's it going boys and girls? Things for me are going pretty well. I'm a little worn down from work due to the summer camps, but we're in the final week and these kids are a lot more subdued than the ones I've had to deal with over the last few weeks. It's a Singer/Songwriter camp and I think that carrying around a guitar all day is zapping some of their energy. Good.

Can't say I've done much since the last post but work, drink, cry myself to sleep, and repeat. I spent some quality time with my girlfriend and went to a bachelor party which was pretty dull but had great food over the weekend. I designated Sunday as sit-on-my-ass-and-not-do-a-goddamned-thing day. It was an amazing success. I got up at 11:30am, played video games, took a nap, played more video games, got cleaned up, went to my girlfriend's house and passed out.

Unfortunately, I didn't sleep too well last night because I kept dreaming about ghosts and boiled babies in trailer parks. I'm sure that's a common nightmare, right?

Anyway, it's not too late to extend you home and hospitality to me as I plan out my cross-country tour of the US. (Did you like the transition?) I've already received offers in Colorado and Mississippi, but I'm on the hunt for more.  So, if you got a spare room, a drinking problem, and no issues with putting up a complete stranger for a day or two in March or April, send me an email at jacsv76@hotmail.com. Your reward for helping me would be a photo together, a write up about your leg of my adventure, and my endless gratitude for helping me to stop being a bum.

I've noticed as of late that people are putting together personal favorite lists and I figured that I'm just as qualified as the rest of those assholes to put one together. Of course, the very thought of having to whittle down my tastes from top to bottom would be a big pain in the ass and I'm sure I would leave something out, and then get a thousand hateful messages along the lines of "u r a moron" because I didn't add the Matrix to my top 20 action movies list. So instead, I've decided to list one of my personal favorites and give ten reasons why you should watch, buy, and preach to others about it.

The first offering is a kick-ass movie that had a decent box office run but in my opinion is mandatory viewing for any guy who still has fire in his belly and is a slight bit nutty, or wants to be. The fist movie in my list of kick-ass films which are in no particular order is FIGHT CLUB. Here are your ten reasons to idolize this movie...

1) The Rules of Fight Club:
a) You do not talk about fight club
b) You do not talk about fight club
c) If someone yells "stop", goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over
d) Only two guys to a fight
e) One fight at a time
f) No shirts, no shoes
g) Fights will go on as long as they have to
h) If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight

I know these rules verbatim and can pretty much shout them out upon request. Thankfully I don't live in a frat house or a military barracks. "Castleberry, give me the rules to fight club in 15 seconds or clean up the fresh vomit in the shower stalls."

2)  You can watch pretty boy Jared Leto get his face smashed in. That's worth the price of admission alone in my book. In fact, I think David Fincher secretly hates Jared Leto as he also blew his head off in Panic Room.

3)  Ever have the friend or acquaintance that judge's his self worth by the shit he owns? Ever want to punch him? I literally had a roommate who got a hard on when he walked by his DVD collection. According to Fight Club, it was my duty to pummel him. You have to love a movie that condones assaulting people you feel deserve it.

4)  This is the kind of movie that you can watch with the guys and it's totally understood that women aren't aloud to attend. Period.

5)  This movie came out the weekend after I was dumped by a girlfriend. I went and saw it three nights in a row, the last time alone, drunk, and surly. Ever since, I believe it's the best way to see Fight Club.

6)  Fight Club has had such a profound effect on my psyche that I sometimes sit at my desk in my white pinpoint oxford shirt and think about lighting a cigarette and making subtle threats to co-workers. In fact, as you read this, I'm probably doing it again.

7)  Edward Norton gives another bitchin performance as the disaffected office worker turned to backstreet brawler and is in my opinion the best actor working today. Brad Pitt once again makes me feel like a fat lazy slug with his physique, but he also grooves in the role as the charismatic club leader. Helena Bonham-Carter lit up the screen as Norton/Pitt's love interest. I had heard that Winona Ryder was originally cast in the role, but backed out. Good call as I think she would have been too distracting.

8)  Just thinking about Helena Bonham-Carter gets me thinking about her husband, Kenneth Branagh, and how much he sucks and could never be in a movie as cool as Fight Club because he'd rather give William Shakespeare head. Have anyone here seen his version of Hamlet? It's an absolutely unwatchable piece of crap.
 
9)  I'd fight Kenneth Branagh.

10) Finally, you should watch Fight Club because it's a movie about
guys...who fight...cause mayhem...fight...do the devious wild shit we dream about...and fight.

Baseball
I usually don't talk about sports here because there are a dozen other guys you could read online who do it much better than I could. However, I do want to note that the Atlanta Braves are alone in first place in their division. It must suck to be a Phillies fan. Of course, there is still plenty of season to go, but nobody around here thought they'd be competitive.

Recently, I've noticed a great litmus test to see if a sports team has made it in the local/national eye. I wait to see if my roommate Dave mentions them. Dave is not a sports fan, but if the Bulldawgs are doing well, he's on the bandwagon. Case in point, Dave didn't go to one Bulldog baseball game during the season, but became superfan as soon as they got into the College World Series. Dave doesn't know the positions on a basketball team, but he didn't feel that hindered him from talking at length about how great a player Richard Hamilton was during the Piston's NBA championship run. I promise by the next column Dave will have mentioned something about the Braves and the fact that they've won 16 of their last 20 games but be unable to name one player or even the coach. He may even have a hat by that point. If he starts a tomahawk chop in the living room, he will get punched.

That's all for this week. Thanks for spending a few minutes in my corner of the Internet. As always, you can reach me at jacsv76@hotmail.com. As the compassionate American Jerry Springer once said, take care of yourself...and each other. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
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