I hadn't seen this band in over ten years, and was drunk off my ass and tripping on mushrooms at that time in my life. I really don't remember a lot, except Perry Farrell prancing around in his underwear and screaming "Fuck, yeah!!!" a lot. Last Friday, at the Charlotte Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, I saw one of the best concerts in my life, and I have been to over 300 shows. No drugs, no alcohol, just me and my wife having a good time. The last three concerts I went to was Dave Matthews Band.

The curtain came up and Perry was wearing a giant gown, approximately the size of a parachute. Suddenly, people started coming out of the gown. Females....in G-Strings--- and nothing else!!! Lots of them. They proceeded to take spots around the stage and in the audience, hanging upside down on trapezes, titties flopping about, putting their legs behind their heads!!!! I had hoped for a young teenage fan to flash Perry at some point during the concert, but this was far beyond my wildest erotic dreams. Some of the strippers began to give guitarist Dave Navarro a good crotch licking. It was like fucking Caligula.

I thought my wife, being the young 25 year old she is, would immediately give me that look, like "What the fuck are you looking at?" She is well breasted and has a great figure, so why would I need to look at the other ten women in the theatre that just happened to have no clothes on? I just expected that type of behaviour, since she is of young years and that is the way most young women act. Instead, she asked me to rate each stripper on her moves and overall erection factor. Even after I gave them all 9's, she had no problem with my salivating.

A guy came up to me and said, "Let's slam!" I said, "Pardon?" He said, "I'll run up to you and let's slam chests, haven't you ever slammed?" I felt old. I said, "If you run up to me and slam me, I'm going to knock you on your ass!" He went away.

Watched more titty floppage and suddenly the same guy came out of nowhere and slammed into my back. Weighing 255 pounds, and him weighing about 160, I didn't budge. Then I made sure security wasn't looking and knocked him on his ass. He said, "Thanks, man!" and left. Is that shit supposed to be fun? Am I that old that I'm so far removed from the concert scene, that I didn't see the fun in it? I witnessed this behaviour at several Nine Inch Nails concerts I have attended, but was never a participant.

Driving home, I got my third speeding ticket in two months. The babysitter was pissed because we were late. When they come back, I'll be there. The only bad part was Femi Kuti, the warmup act, a South African band. Courtney Love is taking over as the opener in a couple of weeks. I'll bet the show gets even more interesting, then. Dave Matthews could use a few strippers.