by "Buck"

September 25, 2003

HURRICANE - I realize many of you who read this are from all over creation.  My condolences to those of you in the greater Virginia Beach/Coastal Carolina area.  My rants to follow are certainly aimed at you.   However, here in West Virginia the "Big Storm" was an overreaction of diabolic proportions.   As we sat glued to the Weather Channel and watched the big ball with the hole in the middle lurch toward the coast our state government panicked.   The governor declared a state of emergency for the entire state, mobilized the national guard, sent a bunch of rescue people into the field, and had meteorologists saying we were about to endure floods like the world has never seen.  I'm amazed state workers were not commissioned to build an ark on the grounds of the capitol and start marching the animals in two-by-two.    As it turned out, it wasn't really that bad.  The rivers flooded some-but nothing more than your usual run of the mill gully washer flooding.    Everybody got worked up into a big lather-and then nothing really happened.  It was almost as if we were sitting around waiting for the bad news-which never came.  

HURRICANE REPORTING - Why is it that when there is a mandatory evacuation and people are told to get out of the way-the first people to rush in is reporters.    I must have watched a dozen of this half-brained knuckleheads standing in the surf about to be flattened by the wind.    Yes, you told us a Hurricane was coming.  You told us it's not safe to be out in it.   Must you prove this fact?  Do you think this is show-and-tell in school?     The best of the day was when one reporter from the Weather Channel was trying to hold another one in high winds.  He lost his grip and the guy was swept out of the picture.  Now THAT is television.    If only it could happen to Dan Rather on the CBS Evening News.   

HURRICANE HOLY SHIT - I heard a news clip on the radio as the storm was approaching the coast.  The Police Chief of Virginia Beach issued a last plea for everybody to leave.   He said if you choose to stay, please write your name on your forearm in permanent magic marker so we can identify your body.   HOLY SHIT!

WINDTALKERS - I saw this movie on one of those cable movie channels this week.  AWESOME FLICK.   Those of you who read this blog know I'm a big war movie guy and this one had some great stuff.  Good story line and great battle scenes.   There was the obligatory love bullshit, but fortunately it was a sidebar that never developed very well.  

NEIGHBORHOOD UPDATE - Perhaps I live in a box, but I've learned from some of the neighbors that a bunch of teenage kids down the street are dealing drugs out of their home.   I hadn't really noticed, but they say there are strange cars pulling up to this house en-masse.  A kid gets out runs to the door while the driver goes up to the cul-de-sac and turns around, picking him up on the way out.  Another neighbor claims to have seen a guy in a strange car with a wad of cash big enough to choke a mule in his hand.    They say this activity has dropped off drastically with the recent acquisition of a state trooper as a neighbor.   I had no idea this was going on.  I live in a box.

GROWING UP IN A BOX - Perhaps I'm not real observant because of my upbringing.  I was home a few years ago and took dad's tractor up onto the hill above our home.  My grandmother used to live in a trailer on that hill before she died.    Dad carved out a piece of the pasture and made it into a home site.  Since Granny died he rented out the trailer.  I drove behind the mobile home and saw about a dozen flower pots with three foot marijuana plants growing in them.  Typical for that area-but not typical for our property.  My old man abhors drugs and those who fool with them.  I went home and told him about it.  He said, "That's what those were?"   Seems this genius knew dad was coming up to bush hog and tried to hide them in the high grass of the pasture at the edge of the yard.   Dad ran over about five of them with the bush hog-best described as a lawn mower on steroids.   He got off the tractor and moved six more of the pots over into the yard so he wouldn't hit them. He had no idea what it was.   Classic.

HOMEOWNERS ACTION - I've documented here in previous writings that there is a huge puddle in the street almost in front of my house.  The problem is the ditch, that divides my lot from the next door neighbor is filled in with silt.   It's left this festering mosquito breeding ground ever since I've lived there.  There were plans for my neighbor and me to clean it ourselves, but apparently the homeowners association is rising like a phoenix from the ashes.    According to the treasurer, all but about two homes have paid their dues this year.   Some are still years behind, but they've gotten money from some of these shitbags for the first time ever-a major accomplishment.  As such there are repair plans in progress for the street.   Several areas that look like a scene from that old Saturday morning show Land of the Lost are set to be repaired.  Last night there was a guy in front of my house with a high power saw cutting lines in the concrete.  I'm not complaining that they are getting the shit done, but was it really necessary to run a cement cutting tool at 10:30 at night? 

WHAT THE HELL? - I am cursed at the drive through.   Yet again, I was ordered by the teenage mutant cashier to pull up to the crippled parking spot to wait for my order.   I ORDERED A NUMBER 2 FOR GOD'S SAKE!  It wasn't like I asked for onion rings as a substitute or a sandwich without the special goo.  I didn't disrupt the cooked bovine production line.   I ordered a menu item specifically designed for speed and ease of preparation.  What the fuck are these people doing?    As Quasimodo with the lip ring tells me I'll have to wait there are no fewer than 14 long, haired tattooed pierced bodies falling all over one another behind the counter.  Will just ONE of you lazy mother fuckers get your ass back there and prepare my damn order?    This time I had had enough.  I refused to pull forward.  I told them I would sit at this window until my order was ready.  I threw it in park and killed the engine!    Behind me there were about a dozen more cars incensed by my fast food version of civil disobedience.    They finally brought my order and the freak show almost threw it into the truck.   Bitch.   I figure they probably mixed a couple of lugies and pubic hairs with the special goo on my sandwich.  Wouldn't surprise me.

O'CHARLEYS - When I was a student at the University of Tennessee O'Charley's was considered a little more of an upscale eatery by college standards.   This means you actually went in and sat down and ate food served on something besides cardboard and Styrofoam.    There was an O'Charley's near campus on Cumberland Avenue, which is referred to by locals as "The Strip."     Recently Marshall University played the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.   There's now a big panic after a bunch of O'Chuck's employees have come down with Hepatitis A.   Ironically, it's not at the restaurant on The Strip.  The outbreak happened at a newer restaurant in West Knoxville.  Now there are health warnings out here in West Virginia for a bunch of people who may have eaten at that O'Charleys.   I heard the health department guru the other day on the radio say, Well if you haven't gotten a shot yet you're too late-but we still want to monitor you if you are infected so it won't pass on to others.      I also heard her say not everybody is at risk-only those who at uncooked food or had a drink with ice in it.   That really narrows it down.    What kind of a restaurant serves uncooked food-and what's more, who gets a drink without ice? 

FOOTBALL UPDATE - The Vols shocked me this week and pulled out a big one on the road at Florida.  That bodes well for the season.  They have some big obstacles left including Georgia at home and Miami on the road.     This week South Carolina is in town.   Lou Holtz may suffer a stroke if his team doesn't play any better.   Marshall made a huge statement last week with the biggest win in the school's history.  They beat Number 6 Kansas State on the road.  That's huge for the Thundering Turd.     The Mountaineers continue to drag a MASH unit around with them.   They got busted hard at Maryland last week-too bad the Hurricane didn't get them first, they would have probably faired better.   Now they have to go to Miami for a national television mid-week embarrassment.  

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