by "Buck"

February 28, 2005

I have no interest in this kind of stuff, but I know many of you are
slaves to pop culture and would find this article dispelling a lot of
myths about rock and roll. I think number 5 gives new meaning to the
term "crack."

I was sharing this with Mr. Kay last week and he noted a story about a homosexual man he knew in Atlanta who claimed Mama Cass choked on a piece of ham "the size of a pack of cigarettes." I know a guy
who was working at a radio station in Illinois when this event happened. A colleague was having lunch at a local restaurant and I'm
a little unclear on how this all happened, but apparently the
colleague got word at the restaurant that Mama Cass had passed. He
frantically called the station and screamed "Give me the mic!" and
proceeded to break the news. I'm not sure if he got the facts right.
I was led to believe from this story that she died right there at
table five on the special of the day. Perhaps his zeal to be first
with the news led to a few embellishments and fabrications and
possibly perpetuated these urban legends ……but at any rate I can say with firmness. "I know a guy, who knows the guy, who told the world about Mama Cass dying."

Here's another brush with greatness to which I can lay claim.
Elizabeth Taylor ALMOST choked to death on a chicken bone in my
hometown. I remember it was HUGE news in the paper—just that she
was coming. At the time she was married to then Virginia Governor
(now Senator) John Warner. They were at some posh gathering at the fancy pants restaurant in town called The Coach House. Liz was
apparently mingling with the lowlies in the kitchen and having a
sample or two….. she had already gone from that red hot babe in
Cleopatra to what you see today. At any rate it was the sampling in
the kitchen that did her in. She was rushed to Lonesome Pine
Hospital for treatment and was saved. Just think the doctors in my
hometown allowed Michael Jackson to have an advocate. The story
was so big that Saturday Night Live did a skit with John Belushi
posing as Liz and stuffing ridiculously oversized portions of chicken
into his mouth—then gagging like dog on an anti-freeze trip. The
skit has even taken a life of it's own becoming one of the "Best Of"
features of Saturday Night Live.

Sadly, the historical site of the Coach House hasn't had a similar
fate. The old place finally sold out to the corporate world and
Bonanza soon took over. The owners soon ran the reputation of fine
dining into the ground and we were left with a bad food bar and poor
management—before they finally boarded it up. Incidentally, the
building has since been reopened and is now serving as an outlet for a
cell phone business, a lawnmower repair shop, and a tanning bed
boutique. Somehow, I don't think that's the best way to preserve a
historical site.

I remember in college during a major snowstorm that somebody, in the
middle of campus, sculpted a large snow penis, complete with a solid
set of balls. Intrigued with that memory that caused a full body
shiver…. I entered an image search on Google for snow_ penis. Try it…. I'm amazed at the creativity. Some, even in 2005, are going for the uncircumcised look…scary.

Speaking of that…there were always a couple of guys in high school,
when you were forced to take a shower in gym class that carried that
badge of honor around with them. I know Jeff Kay is experiencing a
full body shiver as he contemplates wall-to-wall hairy cocks…. but
guys will know what I'm talking about. It's a weird
sight—especially the first time.

You'll recall a few months ago, I disappeared from the Surf Report.
My return was on the condition that I would write when I could.
Generally I don't have much time…but this week I had some random
thoughts well ahead of deadline. So you can consider this Straight
from the Holler entry a "special edition". Perhaps a collector's
item, but I doubt it.

Comments as always can be directed to Moonshinebuck@yahoo.com

Buck Out

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