by "Buck"

February 25, 2005

There's a debate raging here in West Virginia over breastfeeding.
The legislature is debating whether there should be a law to ALLOW
women to nurse a baby in any public place that a baby would be
welcome. Some women on local talk radio say they've actually been
asked to go feed their babies in the bathroom. One woman had a good response, saying she doesn't eat in the shitter therefore here child will not either. Good for her. What's up with this? Believe me,
I'm a breast man and I notice a nice pair when they're advertised, but
for the most part when I've been in the presence of a woman who's
breast feeding, I didn't even know it. Mothers tend to be very
discrete about such a thing and you have to be a real prude to be
offended by that. What's really weird is that it's not ILLEGAL to
breast feed in public now, but we need a law to ALLOW it. Am I the
only one that thinks the government (and some people) are just a
little fucked in the head?

All right has anybody seen the movie Shark Tales? It's not bad, I'm
not big on the hip-hop, bling-bling culture since I understand
virtually none of it—but Will Smith is a talented guy. I think the
funniest thing though is Robert DeNiro. He's the voice of a Godfather
type shark running "the family." The most hilarious thing about the
animation is that they've added a mole to this shark's face to look
like DeNiro, classic attention to detail.

I'm all excited about baseball season getting underway. They're
building a new baseball park here in Charleston for the minor league
team. So far, I think the new owners have really screwed around with
things they shouldn't have. First they changed the name from the
Charleston Alley Cats to the West Virginia Power. WTF? Then to add
insult to that naming injury they unveiled the new mascot team…that's right a TEAM of Mascots. Here is a look at the lineup known as "The Power Pack". Pretty homoerotic if you ask me. The Alley Cat was perfect and marketable…I'm not a big fan of "The Power" This week they unveiled the name of the new park, Appalachian Power Park. That is a pretty decent name I must admit.

Well, I handed over all of the paperwork to the accountant with about fifty of those titles after his name. I'll probably have to pay five
dollars per title to get all of my IRS shit finished, but it's underway and I expect a pretty hefty refund. I'm getting just a little tired of people criticizing me for letting the government use my money and keep the interest for a year. Okay, okay—I know that's the case, but what's a little legalized extortion by Uncle Sam if it means I don't have to come up with a check every spring. I'm a normal American—I'm a piss poor saver. I'd rather use my money on
necessities like strip bars and hot wings. If I get it all in a lump
sum I'm much more likely to dump it into an investment account or make a big ticket purchase. Jeff Kay's living room reclamation project
is a classic example how American's operate. Yes, I know Uncle Sam
reaps a mint from my interest and keeps it; yes I'm aware the government will simply squander that money on horseshit, what of it?
You've done your job. You've demonstrated your superior intellect
about money management and explained the fallacy of my withholding
procedures. I appreciated learning that little nugget of knowledgethe first 19 times it was explained. However, I'm getting just a little tired of being reminded about how I'm being dry fucked by Uncle Sam. So why don't you take your pocket protector and your 90 Algorithm calculator and GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!

I go to work at a VERY early hour, usually I can take the interstate
all the way in, and drive about six blocks through the city to my
office building. However, once in a while I get off an exit early and
take a run to the 7-11 on the West Side of Charleston to pick up a can of Red Seal. The West Side of Charleston has become a dangerous place of late. Shootings, crackheads, hookers galore, it's West Virginia's lone outpost of true big city life. Well, while taking
my life into my hands for smokeless tobacco I went into the 7-11 the
other day. I was behind one of the most disgusting humans I've ever
laid eyes on. This was a woman who looked like she should live in a
stable. She paid (in nickels) for a pack of cigarettes and left. I paid for my product and departed. I drove past the back of the building and there, beside a semi-trailer was the same woman, pants around her ankles, squatting on the ground, irrigating. Good Lord, I had to talk to her. I swung into the parking lot and pulled right up in front of her, rolled down the window and said, "What in the hell are you doing?" She replied, "I had to pee." I didn't know what else to say, so I drove away.

...and how about this little piece from the West Virginia legislature.
Legalizing moonshine so we can sell it to quaint tourists. Guess
they'll have to have an inspection to make sure it's not distilled in
an old car radiator. Remember, if you ever have the chance to take
a shot of 'shine, light a spoonful first. If the flame burns blue,
you're okay and it's pure….if it burns any other color, drink at your
own risk.

BUCK OUT
Moonshinebuck@yahoo.com

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