by "Buck"

November 12, 2004

Okay, I've been busy as a whore during shore leave, but I thought I'd throw something together to let you folks know I'm not dead, nor am I on an eight-week drunk from corn liquor.

It's actually been a while since I penned one of these so bear with me.. I may be a little rusty.

Through the comments board I've been able to keep you up to speed on what is going on here in West Virginia.  Only here could you have a diaper clad financial advisor soiling himself and babbling on all fours just to cop a feel.  Talk about your low self-esteem.

Since we last spoke they've actually FIXED the concrete on the street in front of the house.  While were on the maintenance subject, the fence never got painted this summer.  I finally said "Fuck It" because it was either too hot, too cold, or I didn't want to fool with the dumbass thing.  I'll do it next summer; everybody needs to be goal oriented.

I saw a great quote the other day that pretty much sums up my feeling on the passing of Yasser Arafat.

"All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him."

Well, "W" won big here in West Virginia. We've established ourselves as a card-carrying red state. Twice in a row Bush won a state that's always been considered a Democratic stronghold.  I've always shied away from politics in these columns since I've been fearful of pissing off about half of you.  I don't know why I walk that fine line here.  In real life I couldn't give a shit what anybody thinks and if you want to disagree with me strong enough to my face, I'd kick your ass and be done with it.  I guess it's the separation of the net that gives me pause for concern.  I get too irritated with pussies who post written barbs and I can't find them to stomp a mud hole in their ass.  (sigh)

Speaking of mud holes in your ass, last week in Kentucky-just a few miles from here-a gas line exploded and leveled five houses.  No I don't mean damaged, I mean after the smoke cleared there were concrete pads where a housing development once stood.  Fucking hell!  Nine people got hurt, amazingly nobody got killed.  They said it was a rusty pipe or some shit.. I was reminded of this when Jeff posted the story about the tree crashing in the yard.  Imagine you're sitting there in your living room watching a John Wayne movie in your sweatpants and wife beater, sucking on a PBR and three foot Slim Jim when your house gets napalmed.  Sweet sainted mother of the Arkansas Razorback, that would cause you to shit up your back.  I'm glad I've Scotch guarded my Lazee-boy just in case.

We haven't had any snow yet, but give it time.  West Virginia has the most fucked up weather on the planet.  

I'm not sure what's up with the TV anchors in this market.  There's been a run on pregnancies among the anchor babes.  There's one on here as I type this that I'm sure is going to give birth on the set.  I can just see the co-host mounting stirrups on the desk and getting ready for the show.. MAKE UP!!!!!!

I got an e-mail from an old high school buddy the other day who's a career Army guy.  He's been in Iraq for 16 months.  I hadn't heard from him in quite a while and was growing concerned that something had befallen him in that giant litter box in the Middle East.   He emailed to say he was sorry he hadn't written.. but a bullet had pierced his laptop and he'd been trying to fix it up.  He said this with the same degree of urgency that I would say I drank a glass of water before I went to bed.  Holy Shit.

Buck Out

                              <<previous next>>

                                    
                 The West Virginia Surf Report!