by "Buck"

May 6, 2004

Did you happen to catch those pictures of the Iraqi prisoners being tortured by American soldiers in one of Saddam's old torture chambers?   Turns out the woman in that picture is from West Virginia... Nice, as if we needed something else to make our state's image even worse.   I try to steer clear of the politics in this column for fear I'll piss off about half of you. but whether you are for the war or not-this horseshit is insane and those guys-and girls in these pictures should be strung up and beaten.  We're supposed to be liberating the country, what the fuck is this?   I know I've never been in that situation, but I would have to believe that if I was in charge of guarding prisoners I wouldn't be inclined to fuck them up unless they decided to get violent.  

Just to show we aren't the only place in the United States where screw-ball things occur, this from the great state of Louisiana. I've attended a cock-fight in my time, but hog-doggin'?  I'm wondering about the roots of this great pastime and who decided this would be a great way to spend a Saturday night. 

Here's another attempt at a movie review since my last one drew such praise   Over the weekend I had nothing better to do, so I ordered "School of Rock" on Pay per View. Hey, I think Jack Black is a funny guy, but I know there are some who can't pallet his brand of humor.  The plot was sort of sappy and VERY predictable, but the music was kick ass and they did a decent cover of some AC/DC material, especially when you consider the entire band was under the age of 12.  A buddy told me that it's actually those kids playing the tunes because he saw them on Leno or Letterman-or Leadbetter or some such shit.  Overall a good movie that I would see again and worth the three dollars on PPV.

The HBO on our cable has been out for weeks and there's no explanation for this.  The funny thing is, I don't really miss it and haven't bothered to call a tech to get it fixed.  I really don't give a shit since all of the other stuff is coming in fine. 

So this mini-series on NBC 10.5 has apparently become the new age version of War of the Worlds.   Supposedly the switchboards at NBC affiliates were lighting up as the Space Needle cried "Timber!" and the Golden Gate Bridge became the Golden Gate Ferry.  Holy shit people, it's a fucking movie!  Get a grip!  I'm firmly convinced we live in a society of idiots.  Of those who realized it wasn't real, a percentage is now convinced this is actually going to happen.  I've heard for years that California is going to drop into the ocean-but I never really bought it.  Seismologists are now on the TV telling everybody to calm down-such an even cannot happen.   IT'S A MOVIE-FICTION, FAKE, MAKE BELIEVE.  Good grief, I'm almost ready to tell the greasy carnie to stop the world.. I want to get off.

One of those things that pisses me off is when people pronounce Appalachia with a long A in the middle.   It's pronounced   ap-UH-lach-uh.  Short A dickhead!   I get really pissed when I hear some self-serving, arrogant shit-train on TV out of New York or Washington telling me I'm too dumb to know how to pronounce where I'm from.  Fuck you, come on down here and I'll show you how to pronounce it when I stop it into your fucking mouth with the heel of my cow-shit stained boots. 

The Scott's Lawn five-step program is underway at my one-acre ranch and I've got to say my yard is looking fan-fucking-tastic.  There is an issue with some bare spots in the backyard, which is to be blamed on my dog.  However, he's a damn good mutt and I'm not going to bitch if he wants to do a little rooting.  He's earned the right, therefore the backyard will just have to look for shit until he decides to live under it rather than in it.  The front yard is nearing golf-course, Yankee Stadium quality.  I've even gotten real anal about the mowing and am injecting the criss-cross pattern that you always see on the sports fields.  Perhaps by the end of the summer I'll paint one end in Orange Checkerboards to show my loyalty to the Alma Mater.  That would really rankle the alleged homeowners association that STILL hasn't fixed the street. 

Along those same lines, think what the homeowners would do if I relocated this to the backyard.

Last week I introduced you to my new favorite morning time-killer-researching the daily bookings at West Virginia's nine (soon to be 10) regional jails.   I've decided I'll start posting at least one of the pictures in the column.  We'll call it our Jailbird of the Week.   Here's today's offering! 

I received this e-mail this week.   Guess I won't have to worry about money anymore.  One less thing I guess.

It's good to know that Ted Turner, Jesse Jackson, and Bill Gates are big enough people to pull a few million and give it away in a lottery.   Well, guess it's Easy Street for old Buck from here on out.  Yep, I don't know what I'm going to do with all that money, but I'm considering buying a WHOLE ROLL of Copenhagen.  After that, I'll probably spend about a third on whiskey, another third on hookers, and then probably blow the rest.  Who knows, I may even pay somebody to paint that fucking fence for me.  I'm so busy contemplating the possibilities of this windfall I'm going to end today's update right here.  If you see anything I missed, or want a couple of hundred thousand for walk-around money. drop me an e-mail at MoonshineBuck@yahoo.com

Buck(s) Out

                             <<previous next>>

                                    
                 The West Virginia Surf Report!