by "Buck"

April 8, 2004

I can tell I'm starting to get old.  There was a time in my life I could eat a five course dinner and go to bed within 10 minutes and not think twice about it.  I've already detailed here my problems with eating pizza, but last night I had Captain D's fish.   This morning, I feel like I swallowed a chainsaw and it was still running.   Holy Shit this is horrible.  I once had a stomach of iron.  It's now been transformed into a mass of bleeding ulcers.  

Speaking of Captain D's, I'm busting them out. I'm fucking sick and tired of the bullshit of going to a restaurant and getting screwed on the order.  I told the zit-faced pre-pubescent pussy with no ass in his pants and a dangling earring that I wanted the family fish meal.   However, instead of 10-pieces of fish, I wanted 7-fish and 3-chicken as a substitute.   Basic math in today's schools is apparently a struggle.  I got 8-chicken and 2-fish.    This after the fucker repeated my order twice to me.   Why in the name of Richard Fucking Dreyfuss can't anybody get an order straight?   If it's so damn difficult, then just say "We can't change the order, it's set in stone."  Nope, they all brag about how they can adjust any order to meet "What the customer wants."   My ASS!!!!   I'm amazed when they get the drinks right.   Just last week I ordered from Uno's Chicago Grill-another who I'll bust out here.  I called in the order and was told it would be ready in 15-minutes.  I figured, Great! It will take me that long to drive over and get it.   I arrived and waited another half-hour.   It's hard to check the order at the store because it's all boxed up and there were five separate dinners.    So I get home and they didn't give me fries?  Son-of-Kramer!   It was FUCKING HAMBURGER.  How hard is it to remember, fries go with that order?  HOW FUCKING HARD??????      Web space does not permit the rant that's building on how they fuck you at the drive-through. 

The big fishing/camping expedition from last weekend got scrubbed.   It fucking snowed and rained in West Virginia all weekend so I said screw it, I'm heading south.    I attended a baseball game at the University of Tennessee.   It was a lot of fun.  I saw some folks there that I hadn't had any contact with in 14-years.  They actually remembered me and brought up some of the fucked up antics I used to create.   Such as bringing moonshine to a sorority mixer.   It might as well have been Ecstasy---apparently moonshine is quite an aphrodisiac on the Kappa Deltas. Turned into one of the biggest sex orgies in memory.  Of course, memories are cloudy-especially mine, since I don't even remember doing that. 

Here's a cool midi that somebody e-mailed me.   Sometimes I feel like this roebuck running at 100-miles an hour. 

Everybody on our street mowed the yard this week, including yours truly.  My backyard was dotted with clumps of high, green grass, courtesy of the dog.  I'm convinced I could make a fortune if I just bag up dogshit and sell it at Wal-Mart as fertilizer.  Hey, don't laugh, you can buy cowshit on the internet.     Believe it or not, now that our society has evolved into "store-bought" cowshit-the progression marches on with the "homemade" variety. Tell me again how we're the most advanced society in mankind's history?

I guess I should take a moment here and bid a fond farewell to my colleague Chris from Boone.  It's truly a sad day for the WVSR buddy.  Your anger and management of it is an inspiration.   I find new reasons to be pissed off because of you-it's a soreness that I will miss.    You are more than authorized to use "Go Fuck Yourself" anytime you please-particularly to those who have problems with your style.    In fact, on behalf of Chris, all of those who have a problem with the Angry White Guy can GO FUCK YOURSELF!   I imagine a lot of people read my column and ask themselves why they wasted two minutes of their precious time too do so.  Hopefully mine is as entertaining as yours has been. You will be missed.

I have a big trip planned for Memorial Day.  Camping out in the W.Va. mountains and riding the Cass Scenic Railroad.  We may also work in a trip to the National Radio Astronomy Observatory in Greenbank, W.Va.  Only in West Virginia would we spend federal money to listen for alien transmissions, thank you Senator Byrd.

President Bush came to Huntington last week and as usual, the world came to a halt.  I had to sit with my truck in PARK on I 64 for an hour so he could get from the airport to Marshall University on an unimpeded interstate.   I hate waiting-for anything.

Okay, putting a lid on today's update. just don't have much this week, sorry.   Your feedback is deeply appreciated at MoonshineBuck@yahoo.com

Buck Out

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