by "Buck"

January 29, 2004

ANCHORBABES GONE WILD - This has been a story in some West Virginia circles this week.  This woman is/was a news anchor at a TV. station in Youngstown, Ohio.  This happened on her vacation to Key West.. she arrived home to find them on the Internet and a pink slip in her mail box.

ANOTHER TV INCIDENT - A television station back home shit-canned a sports reporter after he collapsed of an Epileptic seizure at a news conference.  I'm not certain, but I think it was at a NASCAR news conference.  That being the case, a bunch of guys probably jumped in and started changing his tires and pouring gasoline down his asshole.  The station apparently fired him since his probationary period wasn't up and they figured they didn't need that sort of liability on the company insurance plan.  I think I'd be hunting up a hungry lawyer and feasting on that one.  

WEATHER SUCKS - I figured on Sunday I'd get a jump on the weather.  I've found that if you walk on the steps and mash down the snow it becomes increasingly difficult to remove.  Therefore we had a couple of inches and things were tapering.  I ran out and shoveled it all off.  Later in the day the snow turned to freezing rain and sleet and everything was covered in ice.  When I left for work, I felt like I was being cross-checked in a hockey game.  I got into the truck and was actually able to roll down the window with a layer of ice completely covering the opening.  All of the truck windows looked like that opaque bathroom glass.  Shit.

LORD OF THE RINGS - I guess I'm actually catching up with the rest of the world.  Last week I watched the first Lord of the Rings movie and then over the weekend I got a chance to see the "Two Towers."   Now I suppose I'm ready to view this latest one that is out. Lord of the King or whatever it's called.  I'm trying to avoid the mistake I made in the 70's and 80's.  I still have never seen the original Star Wars.  I did go to see The Empire Strikes Back at the theatre.  As for Return of the Jedi, I caught about 20 minutes of it on cable in 1994.  I lost interest and said "Fuck It."  I'm the only member of my generation who didn't get their rocks off on that movie.  The sad part is, there are still people who wield light sabers and dress up like a storm trooper for Halloween party.  I'm wondering if you people have ever kissed a girl.  

MOVIE MADNESS - I haven't paid much attention to this story, but apparently there's a big deal over the new Mel Gibson movie.  I think he plays Jesus in the movie or something and it's causing a lot of wailing and gnashing of the teeth amongst Catholics.  Perhaps somebody else can fill me in.    

BREAKFAST FOODS - In an effort to increase health awareness, I too have joined the staff of the WVSR in an effort to shed some pounds in the New Year.  I'm sticking to it fairly well, largely because I haven't set unreasonable goals.  I realize I'm going to fuck up, so I allow for that.  I've made a few lifestyle adjustments.  I too am walking the treadmill for 20-minutes a day and trying to limit my intake.  Instead of six Krispy Kremes, I'll only have three.. I just cut the intake by 50-percent!   Well, that's a little extreme, but I am eating a bowl of oatmeal every morning.  Supposedly this lowers your cholesterol by 20 points automatically or some such shit.  I'm convinced the heart doctors and the oatmeal industry have some collusion going on here-but I like oatmeal, so I'm not complaining.      However, some of the greatest breakfast meals of all time are likely to kill you slowly.  Consider some of my favorites:

--Biscuits and gravy, this is my all-time favorite food.  However, it simply cannot be healthy to eat anything that is purely derived from its main ingredient, grease.

--Sausage/bacon and fries eggs, again this are simply a wonderful way to start the morning-but it will limit mornings in the long run.

--Pancakes  -- simple enough, but they aren't good unless there's a half pound of pure butter melted with hot maple syrup.

--Waffles  --  same deal.

--Grits  -- Grits are actually not too bad for you and I personally love them.   However I enjoy mine soaked in butter which is catastrophic for heart fans.  I'm amazed at how many people don't like grits.  I guess when you're born in the south you automatically have a taste for them that can be neither explained nor transferred.  Few Yankees ever develop a taste for the manna from the Heart of Dixie.

FOOD I DON'T UNDERSTAND - Some of the health conscious folks I've met over my life have introduced me to things that I would consider unfit for human consumption.  Some of the shit I can remember, but don't know how to describe it.  I've been to a few parties where some of the taste was beyond belief on the awfulness scale and couldn't be rated.   A few that come to mind.

--Sushi,   might as well eat out of a minnow bucket, no wait, I've done that-this is worse.
    
--Wine Coolers,   as one who consumes moonshine, I'm left struggling to find the pussified point of this ridiculous concoction.
    
--Pate', it's considered overpriced cat food in Big Stone and it's pronounced "pay-t"
    
--Caviar,  if this is living large-they can have it.  I'd rather not eat the refuse of an aborted sturgeon.
    
JACK WHITTAKER - This is the guy you'll recall who won the largest Powerball lottery jackpot in history.  Well, he's been in the news almost as much as Howard Dean in the past year.  His latest transgression, he was arrested Sunday night on charges of DUI.  Apparently the story goes that the interstate was icy and snow covered and he pulled over.  He was on his way to the dog track to gamble. There is where the State Police found him and he blew a .19 on the breathalyzer.  He says, yeah I'd been drinking-but wasn't drunk-and wasn't driving when I was arrested.  Last week somebody broke into his Lincoln Navigator parked in front of his home and stole 100-thousand dollars cash that was on the front seat.  A week before that he was arrested for assaulting and threatening to kill some bartender in St. Albans,  WV.  His previous timeline included getting robbed of 500-thousand dollars at the Pink Pony strip bar in Cross Lanes.  Gees, what a life.

SIGN OF THE TIMES - I thought about submitting this one to Mr. Kay's "Further Evidence" file, but on second thought I think I'll post it here.  Rather than evidence of the end, it's evidence we live in a society filled with a bunch of emerging spoiled brat bastards.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO "HUH?"  -- The pompous and arrogant mayor of Charleston, WV decided people who work in the city should pay a dollar a week "user fee"  (translation-taxation without representation) because when we work in the city we "use" the city police for protection and city streets for transportation.  That being the case, and now me already ponying up four dollars so far this year---why can't the fucking street in front of our office-and from the interstate to that office be cleared of snow?    

WRAP-UP - I probably won't get a chance to watch the Super Bowl this weekend.  I can remember watching the Steelers and Cowboys play on Sunday afternoon-in an Eastern Time zone during daylight.  That's vintage Super Bowl.  The whole thing-like most stuff-has become nothing more than a sensationalized, marketing bonanza.  The halftime show is always horseshit.  I don't really give a well-digger's damn if Britney Spears shows the lower half of her tits on world-wide TV.  I'm not interested in seeing Whitney Houston whine for five-minutes.  I was only mildly amused at Garth Brooks shitkicking across the thrown together stage.  Nobody really cares anymore who wins or loses.. and I guess I'm now one of them.  Plus, since I have to get up early on Monday for work-there's no way I can watch the entire game as I once could.  Doesn't matter though-it's usually over by the first quarter anyway.  My guess...Patriots 41 Panthers 14. 

-BUCK OUT

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