by Buck

October 25, 2007

Okay, go ahead and admit it….you laughed at Marie Osmond. I was actually watching that thing live the other night. She was bouncing up and down in that outfit that made her look like the queen of a German beer fest. I thought her boobs were going to cause her a concussion. One minute she’s bouncing like a pole dancer the next minute… KER PLOP she hits the floor like a sack of feed at the Southern States. That was the equivalent of Jeff’s dream last year of Heather Mills’ leg flying off in the middle of “The Jive.” However, now she’s gone off the deep end.

I am a little bummed out that Mark Cuban got the axe. Not that I care about him so much, but that Kym Johnson is some kind of sweetness to watch. It’s a great eye-candy loss to for the show.

The show host, Tom Bergeron is really pretty good. I like this guy. He’s quick on his feet, witty, and unafraid to laugh at himself.  Those are rare qualities, yet highly valuable in my humble opinion in the host of a big time show.

He’s also the host of what Jeff Kay and I agree is the greatest show in the history of television— America ’s Funniest Videos. This show endures the test of time because of the content. Let’s face it, there’s nothing funnier than seeing 10-straight minutes of nothing but guys getting hit in the balls, fat women falling into a creek, a punk ass teenager wrecking a bike doing something incredibly stupid.

The host of this show is truly meaningless. The original guy, Bob Saget is not funny. I don’t care what everybody says—the guy’s standup humor just doesn’t do it for me. The funniest thing he ever did was when he played a minor role in Dumb and Dumber the Early Years—or whatever. Then there were the dark days of AFV when Daisy Fuentes and some no-name schlep attempted humor. Daisy, without question, was easy on the eyes with her pushup Hee-Haw bra, but beyond that…nothing much. Bergeron is able to put the right touch on hosting the program with the proper does of irreverence. I like it and hope he stays forever.

I was trying to recall which of those famous video clips has been the funniest I’ve ever scene. I realized that despite seeing literally hundreds of episodes of AFV, I can’t really recall ANYTHING that stood out. There were certainly some that were NOT very funny, but I don’t remember them. Most of the stuff is equally hilarious and makes for a good hour of doing nothing but enjoying the misery and humiliation of others.

Well, here in West Virginia everybody has lost their minds over the latest outbreak of Staph Infection. This so-called “superbug” has people wringing their hands and running them through their hair. Several students have protested in their parking lots, refusing to attend class in a sweltering cess-pool of germs. Whatever, I used to love the acts of civil disobedience in high school. Somebody was always pissed about something and ready to lead a “school walkout.” I recall once that everybody left in protest of the disallowance of school prayer. The plan by those who were truly serious was to gather and pray around the flagpole. Most got in their cars and drove away flipping birds at the administration. Others walked out—wearing Ozzy Osborne tee-shirts-- and got high in the baseball dugout.

The administration finally saw through the game and put the clamps down on the protest/walkout stuff. This was in the days when school administrators still had the nuggets to tell the ACLU to “Get Bent” and would let parents know THEY were NOT running the asylum here. Today, all bets are off….there’s little to no control. The little hellions are just encouraged to create chaos and anarchy. Most of them don’t even realize what it means when they use the term, “First Amendment Rights.”

When I was in high school there was a REQUIREMENT that you take a shower after gym class. Did any of you have this rule? I never really had a big hang-up with it. I would modestly cover my junk with a towel and head down the steamy hallway and hose off in a room with 20-shower heads where there was a collection of naked, towel cracking over-hormoned teenagers carrying on. The funny thing was the school actually MADE you take the shower. There was a teacher at the end of the hallway making certain there was soaping and scrubbing while you were there.

I don’t recall any homosexual overtures—maybe I was being “observed” from afar…I just don’t know. However, I do recall a bunch of guys that were really pussed about it and would actually shower IN THEIR UNDERWEAR. Sometimes, they just brought shit on themselves. One kid in the 10^th grade was wearing Spiderman Underoos! Oh, yeah—he took some shit. Then there was always one or two dudes sporting the uncircumcised look. That was always a head-turner. Then of course there were those who were pre-pubescent and still were awaiting the arrival of hair…..this always resulted in highly insensitive and hurtful commentary. A cousin of mine tells me the “requirement” for showering has been disbanded…but I’m wondering if anybody else had to endure such humiliation…just wondering.

Buck Out

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