by "Buck"

October 9, 2003

VEGAS ACT - Forgive me if I sound like an idiot, but who are Siegfried and Roy?   I've heard of them, but never really knew what they did or who they were.    Now one of them has been mauled by a tiger.  They are apparently pretty popular; I saw a candlelight vigil outside their hospital.   While I see the problems associated with a carnivore tearing out somebody's guts, I don't understand why it's a national story.   However, I'm culturally inept, so maybe they were a bigger deal than I though.   Certainly seems that way.

RUSH LIMBAUGH - I listen to Rush on a fairly regular basis, after all I am an angry white male which seems to make up a large chunk of his audience.    You can't talk about Rush and not be political.  I vowed when I began the column not to be, so I'll not tell you what I think about him.  However, I'll say the racism charge he can probably overcome-this drug thing may be his undoing.  I'm willing to withhold judgment until all is known-after all most of the legwork on this story is done by the National Enquirer, same one that told me Michael Jackson was normal. Go figure.   Therefore the source is suspect, but what leads me to believe there's something there is Rush's handling of it.    He has never come out and forcefully said, "This is insane, I never EVER took drugs and despise those who do.   I will find out who's making up this pack of lies and bury them."    If it were me I'd go bonkers on the air just ripping them to shreds and post a MAJOR denial up front...that is if I knew I was innocent.   I think he'd do that too, but so far he hasn't and that raises my suspicion.     There is another possibility-his high priced lawyers may have told him not to breathe a word either way.  If that's the case and he's innocent, I think he's made a grave mistake.

LIFE AIN'T SO BAD - I was part of a fishing tournament over the weekend.  I didn't catch any fish, but at least I was out there and that counts for something.   This particular tournament is one in which you are paired with a partner each day by the computer.   My partner on the first day told me his story-and made me think, "Shit, my life ain't so bad."   This guy tells me he was a long-haul trucker for several years and had no idea that his wife had become addicted to OxyContin and Hydrocodone.  He said he found prescriptions and bills from a dozen doctors in a drawer and put the puzzle together from there.  This guy says he told his wife he was going to turn her into the State Police.  So as is usually the reaction of an O-C addict about to get caught-she pulled out a pistol and shot him four times!  Holy Shit, he's lying in a pool of blood on the living room floor with his wigged out wife holding the smoking gun.  He said he was DOA at the hospital and they brought him back.   Eighteen-days later, he went back to work because he needed his job to make ends meet.  His wife is now in prison and he has the kids.  Talk about a life much tougher than mine-good grief.

STREET UPDATE - I endeavor to keep you abreast of developments in the repair of my busted up subdivision street.   This week's update:  Nothing has been done.  

TENNESSEE TICKETS - I was hoping to take in this weekend's Tennessee/Georgia football game in Knoxville.   The game is sold out and I was checking eBay in hopes of getting a good price.  Uh, not.. The best price I could find anywhere is $100 for bad seats, $500 and $600 for lower deck between the 10's.   I've heard of this kind of scalping, but never took part.  Usually I'm content to sit on my couch and enjoy a better view of the action.   This is insanity.  I can't afford that much-but I really want to go.  My plan is to go to the stadium and wait for the game to start.  I've found the price of tickets drops considerably after kickoff.  So what if I miss the first series-it's not that big a deal.    I'll let you know, plus the fact that they lost Saturday my drop the price a bit.

STIR-FRY SQUIRREL - Don't laugh until you've tried it.  Squirrel season starts this Saturday in West Virginia.   The place I usually hunt is infested with squirrels this year. I hope to get a half-dozen.  I then debone the meat, stir fry it with olive oil, mushrooms, bell peppers, and ramps.  Pour that over rice and serve hot.  It's good stuff-trust me.  Plus you need a dozen or so made from scratch biscuits to sop the gravy.   

ARNOLD - Holy shit, Arnold Schwarzenegger is now Governor of California.  The world has definitely gone mad.  This could be one for Mr. Kay's Further Evidence files.   It amazes me how the more his critics piled on-the more popular he got.  It's pretty amazing how politics works.  A day before Arnold announced he was running for governor he didn't have a care in the world.  He'd never been involved in any kind of a scandal that I had heard of.  He was simply a popular Hollywood actor who blew shit up. That's a quality I can appreciate.   A day after he announces, he has a speech impediment and can't pronounce the name of the state.  Then before you know it he's a Nazi and a pervert.  Good grief can you imagine if I tried to run.   Governor Buck, moonshiner, gun runner, associates with known felons (Bony Collier stole a case of Jack Daniels from the state run liquor store once).  I particularly liked Arnold's slogan...to be stated in best Arnold voice.. "Shut the Fuck Up."  You gotta love that. 

TOBACCO NAZIS - County boards of health here in West Virginia have taken it upon themselves to institute sweeping smoking bans in all kinds of places.    Every county seems to have a different rule. It's a hodgepodge of really nothing more than a politically correct license to be rude.   I've never met a smoker, and I mean honestly NEVER, who was an ass and wanted to deliberately smoke and blow their smoke in other people's faces.  In fact, most smokers I've met have been incredibly polite and when asked in a nice way were glad to either put it out-or voluntarily move to another place where it wouldn't bother somebody.  Who in the fuck decided it was okay to treat smokers like total shitbags?  For the record I don't smoke.  I chew.  We don't get nearly the shit that cigarette folks are forced to endure.  However, it's there.  The other day I went and laid three dollars on the counter for a can of Red Seal.  The self righteous bitch running the register had the balls to say to me. "You know that stuff is going to rot your face off."  To which I replied.  "No stupid, I thought it was perfectly safe to stick a leave covered with chemicals between by cheek and gums and suck on it.  But what business is that of yours."  I was pissed and laid into her add if I wanted a sermon I'd go to church, as it stands I'm standing in the Exxon and you're not wearing a collar so get off your high horse and realize that if it weren't for the big three: beer, cigarettes, and chewing tobacco-- it's unlikely this place would make enough money to stay in business and afford your sorry ass as help.  I also added that about 40-percent of that cash I just handed her for two and a half ounces of nicotine nectar was paid in taxes to fund stupid shit like her mistake baby's milk and bread fund.  I added that if she was so opposed to the social evils of tobacco and wanted to live by her principles she should quit this job of distributing poison to the masses and go listen to Yanni or some such shit.  Indignantly I asked her to give me five more cans.  I promptly opened a can right there in the counter and put in a hog dip that nearly made my face look deformed.  I spat a huge pool in front of the door just to piss her off.    

FOOTBALL -- The Mountaineers after a valiant effort against Miami last week are still 1-4 and now have Rutgers at home Saturday.   I hope they win, but Rutgers will forever be pissed off at WVU for racking up a score of 82 points a few years back in Morgantown.  They still live off that hatred.  Marshall, the "we're the best, but can win the small ones" Thundering Herd will play Kent State Saturday in Huntington.   As I previously mentioned the Vols let me down last week against Auburn.  They have a huge one Saturday against Ga.   I suppose I'll take that one end from the comfort of my couch since tickets to the game cost more than I paid for the couch new.

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