Cruising the Mall with Brad


More private e-mail from a friend, exploited without permission for laughs...

You were the first person I thought of when this incident at the mall happened, and I mean this in a good way. Like you, I sometimes go to the mall for no good reason other than to see if some cool store snuck in there without me knowing it. True, I do go to Four Seasons at Christmas time (during the non-busy morning hours) to get my niece a gift certificate to the place, and to see if Christy Turlington is putting out a calendar this year (which she didn't). Anyway, I was walking the floors, looking at all the chain stores old and new that inhabited this three-story hell. You may remember Four Seasons has that Center Stage area where they put on flower shows or other vapid displays of human nature. I don't know, maybe it's just a holdover from my high school days where I would go with my friends on occasion to see if we could find a group of five girls who had the same low morals we had, but I have a habit of stopping on the second or third floor and look down to see what's walking below me. Hope you followed that sentence OK. I think the ghost of William Faulkner stepped in for a second.

So I'm on the second floor of Four Seasons near the down escalator looking at the sparse crowd below when all of a sudden a man who had to be in his 50's stands next to me. I feel his presence, but I'm not really paying attention to him. However, it dawns on me that A), he's not moving and B), he seems to be staring at me. I've never been hit up by a panhandler in Four Seasons ever and I'm not in a generous mood either. I finally look his way and he smiles and says hello. So I say hello back and ask how he is doing. And I swear to -- well, whatever -- that he said "(He) would be doing a lot better if (he) could suck (my) cock." So much for being a panhandler.

I told him that it was a nice offer but it wasn't going to happen, or something like that. Have to admit he threw me way off guard. He got pretty nervous. He probably thought I was some Nazi skinhead getting ready to kick his ass, and he started stammering apologies while backing away. I told him it was cool, but I didn't play for that team. And I did use the word "team." I had regained most of my composure at that point. Turns out, according to this guy, that the bench near the down escalator at the Four Seasons Town Centre (or mall, as most people call it) is a cruising spot. Only I (and maybe you if you still lived here) would be unlucky enough to stand in the one spot where guys go to get blow-jobs from other guys. So whenever you do come to Greensboro for a visit, and if you do go to the mall, don't stand near the down escalator on the second floor. Unless you're willing to stray off the straight path.

[Thanks, Bradley.  You know, I've been to Four Seasons Mall many times and not once has a person there offered to fellate me.  I had somebody ask if I'd like to take a survey once, about breakfast bars, but that's about it.  I'm not sure if I'm hurt or proud.  In any case, ya gotta admire that pick-up line!  No-nonsense, and straight to the point.  Very nice.  I wonder if that approach would work on our team?  "Hey, how ya doin'?"  "Well, I'd be doing a lot better if I could repeatedly plunge my erection into your vagina..."  Probably wouldn't work as well, now that I think about it.  Anyway, thanks for thinking of me.  Is it OK if I use your note on my site?   -Jeff]            

The West Virginia Surf Report!