--Apparently I was a bad boy in 2007, ‘cause Santa didn’t
grant me my one wish.Nancy and the gang did
pass through here while my parents were visiting, but refused to
come to our house.Toney met them at Starbucks on Christmas Eve instead, and
they exchanged gifts amongst manufactured atmosphere, in front of a
crackling “fire.”
Wotta rip-off!Santa knew how much I wanted to see my Dad and Nossy have a
conversation.It’s the only thing I asked for this year…
I’d like an explanation, I really would. I believe I was pretty
damn good this year.Wonder if I have any legal recourse?Wonder if I could force the Santa people to release their
papers on the matter?I want to know what they knew, and when they knew it!
I’m seriously thinking about consulting a lawyer.
Oh, and before I move on…Eninen laughingly reported that their kids had been
“drugged” for their road trip from Ottawato
Philadelphia.
Toney said the translucents were just sitting silent, staring
straight ahead like ventriloquist dummies with improbable
hairstyles.Dramamine, I guess.And not for carsickness, either; none of them have a problem
with carsickness.No, Nancyjoked that
it was strictly for the benefit of the parents.How cute.
And in case anyone has forgotten that they live in Canadanow, all the
gifts they’re giving this year are emblazoned with a huge maple
leaf.Toney
got a maple leaf coffee mug, a maple leaf scarf, and some sort of
maple leaf refrigerator magnet, or some shit.And our sources in Renotell us
more maple leafs are being distributed, even as we speak.
Because, you know, Eninen live in Canadanow.In case anyone had forgotten.
--I
had to work on Christmas Eve, for political reasons. They didn’t have anything for us to do, really, but we
Night People were forced to report because the day shift worked.There was fear of resentment...
So, I went in at three in the afternoon, and they cut us loose
around 5:30.During the time I was there, I listened to
Phil Hendrie on my
iPod, and flipped through a magazine.A highly valuable exercise, if there ever was one.
Oh, there was grumbling, plenty of grumbling.But I understood why it was necessary; I’ve been on the
other side of such decisions.So, screw it.Some things are worth bitching about (like dipshits at Five
Guys), and some are not (like seemingly pointless disruptions in
holidays).
Pass the beer nuts.
--Speaking
of Hendrie on the iPod…The place where I now work is incredibly strict.They have rules and regulations coming out the crapshaft,
like most big corporations.But, unlike most corporations, these folks actually enforce
the rules.It’s
unheard of!
So it’s fairly incredible that they allow people to use iPods
while working.But they do.Everybody in the house has one, and they’re constantly in
use.I
resisted for a while, because I didn’t think it was professional,
but that’s now a thing of the past.
I’ve started dipping into my massive Phil Hendrie Archive every
day, and
randomly choosing two or three full shows from 1999 or 2000.And it’s changed everything.I’m still getting as much work done as I ever did, but the
time seems to fly by.
The only semi-downside?I’m always laughing like a mental patient, and wiping tears
from my eyes.The other workers probably assume I’m listening to the
Eagles or Def Leppard, like they are, and have a hard time
understanding my actions.I could tell them, I guess, but I like to give people
something to wonder and whisper about.Ya know?
A few nights ago I was listening to Phil interview a person who
refused to rent an upstairs apartment to a 400 lb woman.He said fat people fall down a lot, and was afraid she might
sue him.He
was also convinced she would someday sit on the toilet, have an
explosive bowel movement, come crashing through the floor and kill
the old lady in the apartment below.
Man, I was doubled-over in laughter that night.And my co-workers probably thought I was listening to
Foreigner's Greatest Hits.Good times.
--Since
I’ve somehow gotten off Christmas, and moved on to my job…I guess I’ll just stick with it for now.
Last night I went into the bathroom at work, and an elderly black
man was in there mopping.I’d seen him around, and he seems like a nice guy.But last night he was ranting.
He said, “I used to work janitorial in a truck stop, and those
guys had more dignity and self-respect than any of the people who
work here.Every time I come in this bathroom, somebody’s done pissed
on the floor!And what kind of person does something like that, then just
walks away?!If I pissed on the floor I’d be embarrassed, and would
clean it up.But not these gotdamned
people…”
It went on and on.And near the end was a story about him finding a trail of pee
once, leading from the urinal, across the floor, and out the
bathroom door.I chuckled at that one, but he clearly wasn’t playing it
for laughs.The man obviously didn’t care for my reaction.
But how could something like that happen?Any ideas?I’d like to know your theories.Use the comments link below.
And I’m gonna have to stop right there.Tomorrow (or the day after) I’ll tell you guys more about
Christmas at the Surf Report Compound.But I really need to get my riffled ass out of here.
Tomorrow Toney and I are supposed to take the Secrets to see the new
National
Treasure
movie, so I might not be able to update until late in the day, or on
Saturday morning.But we’ll see how it goes…
