Fingernail
explosion, seven hours per night, public funkification, and a job
interview
--A couple of days ago I accidentally banged by hand on the
console of my car (I think I was getting a little carried away with
the tuneage), and the nail on my middle finger cracked down the
middle.Never, in my
entire life, had something like that ever happened before.I mean, what the hell, man?
I clipped it down as low as I dared to go, but there’s still a split
there that gets hung on every damn thing.It seems like every move I make now ends with the creepy-crawly
feeling of my fingernail being tugged from its traditional home out on
the end of my right middle finger.I’m afraid I’m going to get it caught on the couch or
something, and the shit will just open up like a fire door.
And I can’t have that.
--I was listening to
Clive Bull earlier in the week, and he was talking about sleep.He read a newspaper article about a study that claims adults
need seven hours of sleep per night, no more and no less.And too much is as harmful as too little.
Do you believe this?Is
every person the same, as far as sleep needs are concerned?Somehow I doubt it.
As I’ve reported here on many occasions, I don’t get nearly enough
sleep.I’m nocturnal by
nature, and have to fight it all the time.So, I stay up until midnight or later a few nights in a row,
and only get four or five hours.Then
I’m dragging massive ass and free-fall into bed at nine o’clock,
get myself completely rested, and am ready for a few more late-nighters…I’m all over the map.
Toney, on the other hand, loves to sleep.She goes to bed between nine and ten almost every day of the
year.She consistently
gets eight hours.
What about you?Are you in
the Clive Bull zone, function just fine with less or more, or bounce
all over the place like me?
Sleep…Grrrr.The whole thing
both creeps me out and pisses me off.
--Sunshine was reportedly
in a “hippie store” a few days ago, somewhere in Nevada, and
experienced (yet again) a bout of diarrhea, not to be denied.I don’t know what her problem is, but she’s always
having high pressure shit-based emergencies, in public places.Sometimes I think she can crap on cue, and does it all for
attention.
Anyway, she was in a shop somewhere, a joint that sells wind chimes
and stained glass and that sort of thing, when the pains commenced.The store didn’t have a public rest room, but she begged the
Age of Aquarius clerk, and was finally allowed access to the employee
crapatorium.
And Sunny proceeded to stink up the entire store, to the point
customers were running for the exits and slapping at the air, an
oscillating fan was dragged out of a cabinet, and the front door was
propped open.
How does she know all this, you ask?Because she continued shopping, following her assplosion,
that’s how.Utterly
amazing…
This reminds me of a story I’ve heard my Dad tell, about a friend of
his.Supposedly the friend
was driving one day, through a town he wasn’t familiar with, and
had to shit right now.So
he pulled into the parking lot of an elementary school, where people
were voting in an election.
He ran in there and asked to use the bathroom, and it was situated
near the voting activity itself.So
he scrambled inside the men’s room and dropped an atom bomb, stunk
up the entire hallway, and when he left he said poll workers were
actually dragging the booths to the other end of the hall, and wiping
tears from their eyes.
Heh.It’s a wonder he
wasn’t investigated for some kind of election fraud, and accused of
disenfranchising voters, or something.
Do you have any liqui-shits in
a public setting stories to tell?I don’t, of course, because I am the master of my own colon;
I can bend spoons with the power of my sphincter control.
--I had my interview this
morning, and it was one of those “describe a time when you were
asked to relay a message you didn’t personally agree with” kind of
deals.But I guess I did
well enough to reach the next level; I have another interview
scheduled for next Tuesday, this time with two of my would-be bosses.
And this has been a weird and semi-stressful day already.I’m going to stop right here, and pledge to do better next
time.
--