--I still have a Google map running across what should
be the small of my back, but don’t really feel like focusing on
that again. So what if my body is producing and shedding poison for no
known reason?Big deal.As Bob Marley once said, before the tumor took him, “don’t
worry, ‘bout a t’ing…”
--I need to keep this one
short.Toney and I have a
meeting at the middle school in a little while, and I’ve set myself
quite an ambitious schedule for the afternoon. You’ll notice I
didn’t finish the WVSR Special Report yet, and that’s one of the
items on the docket for Thursday.There
are six items total, and I’m determined to complete them all.Or whatever.
--In case you were wondering,
I’m currently in the grips of a powerful Camper Van Beethoven jag.Specifically the early albums, before they signed with Virgin.I don’t know how these things manifest themselves, but
suddenly I cannot stop playing the CDs.Cannot, I say.If I were still working, I’d probably have to call in sick…
--What’s
the story with Craigslist?Do
you use it for any reason?And
if
so, how?I’ve only visited
the site a couple of times, and was thoroughly confused.
For one thing, it looks like the internet circa 1996.I’m serious, the shit makes TheWVSR seem positively
cutting-edge...It’s a wonder
they don’t have one of those flapping American flags up in the
corner.
It’s also a massive jumble of links going in every direction.It appears a person can apply for a job there, buy a lawnmower,
get a date for Saturday night, and argue about people who will never
be president, like Ron Paul.
Is
that correct?
I don’t really get it, don’t have the patience to figure it out,
yet am intrigued by the constant references to Craigslist I come
across every day.
Help me out, won’t you?Tell
me why it’s so special, and why so many people are attracted to it.You know, so I have the information without doing any of the
research.
--I was reading Rolling Stone last night in the small room, and noticed a short item
about an upcoming album by the Eagles.Apparently it’s their first studio effort since, like, the
Jimmy Carter era.And
supposedly there’s great anticipation for it. …Hello?
But check this out, the article says the album will be sold
exclusively at Wal-Mart for the first year.You can’t get it at the local record store, Best Buy, or even
Amazon dotcom.
No, you’ve got to drag yourself past a “greeter” whose blue vest
appears to be the only thing keeping his spine from completely folding
in half, beyond the Poppycock end-cap and cubic zirconia wedding ring
stand, and way back into the “electronics” department.
Instead of peach incense in the air, and deliciously-obscure indie
rock blasting from the speakers, it’ll be the smell of Lanacane
wafting off a woman with back fat cascading out of her sundress, and
“HOUSEWARES, LINE ONE!HOUSEWARES!!”
Aren’t those Eagles guys always up on their high horse about
something or other?(Except for
Joe Walsh, who’s presumably too stoned to care?)And don’t those high-horse riders usually hate
Wal-Mart?The whole thing seems
bizarre to me…
--And speaking of bad albums,
check this
out.There are some genuinely
great things there.Including
#73, which almost made me do a spit-take.
--While my parents were here
we ended up watching a show one night called Design
Star.It’s on HGTV, and
is a reality program featuring interior designers competing for their
own weekly program on the cable network. And it was an amazing thing
to behold.
My parents, you see, stay up too late.Usually when we have visitors everyone except me is sacked-out
by 9 o’clock.Or Nostrils is at Borders
“writing.”I almost always
have a little down-time before bed.
Not so with my Mom and Dad.They
stay up until 11.And we’re
always sitting there flipping through the channels, and hoping for the
best.
They like Law & Order,
but we watched one on the first night in which a woman was using an
“electric horse ejaculator” during her savage attacks on men.Or something along those lines…And who wants to watch that
with your mother??
So, we steered clear of L&O,
and ended up on Design Star
one evening.
Have you seen this?!In the
episode we watched, a man known only as “Sparkles” was kicked off
the show because of a weak design.And if gay were a flower, this so-called Sparkles would be the
entire Holland Tulip Festival…I
mean, the dude practically glided across the room.
And when he was booted, and ordered to leave the studio, the camera
crew followed him riding the elevator to the lobby, and sobbing
uncontrollably.The poor
bastard’s mascara was even running.
Now that’s entertainment.Tune in next week for another exciting episode of Flamboyant
Homosexuals Crying in Confined Spaces!
I looked over at my Dad during this segment, and he had a look on his
face that said, “What in the ever-lovin’ shit are we watching?!”And there seemed to be an accusatory glint in his eye, as if he
blamed me, and wondered if I tune in weekly.
Yeah, we probably should’ve just stuck with the horse ejaculator.
--And that’s all I have time
for today, children.I don’t
really have a good Question for ya, so you can comment on any of this
crapola if you’d like.
Or, if you have a story to tell about being embarrassed by something
on TV, we’d like to hear that as well.You know, maybe those commercials about “freshness?”
Use the comments link below, for whatever’s on your mind.
And I’ll see ya tomorrow.
My neighbor's house burned to
the ground last night.
--